PRESS PIGSKIN PROGNOSTICATORS When all else fails ... blame Buster

Few platforms in life are more elevated than the one holding your 11 Coeur d’Alene Press All-Star Pigskin Prognosticators.

When they falter, worlds tremble.

Civilizations teeter.

And fingers point.

One of those fingers came from The League itself. For the first week in the august history of pigskin pickin’, not a single prognosticator had a winning record. Thus the following email screamed from The League offices to prognosticators’ quivering inboxes.

“Seeing as how you had a rotten week in the pigskin prognostication business, The League would like to hear your excuses,” it blazed. “And Kennedy, don’t blame Buster. He didn’t take a leak on your cheat sheet.”

Turns out, Buster did.

“I would like to lodge a formal complaint with The League,” indignant pigskin picker Mike Kennedy responded. “I now have clear evidence that Buster actually did take a leak on my cheat sheet and smeared the game entries so they were illegible when I submitted them.”

Kennedy included a somewhat suspicious-looking photo, purportedly of Buster doing the dirty deed.

The stain spread from Buster to at least two of Kennedy’s colleagues.

“I have asked the local FBI office to look into it, as obviously due to conflict of interest I would not get a fair investigation from our city’s police department,” Kennedy continued. “Or Post Falls’ police for that matter.”

He was referring, of course, to Cd’A Police Chief Lee White — Buster’s owner — and Post Falls Police Chief Pat Knight.

White looked at the alleged evidence and had this to say:

“I wouldn’t put it past him. Remember, in the dog world, if you pee on it you own it. Just last week he tried to commandeer a Fed Ex truck by peeing on the tire and barking at the delivery guy.”

But the Lake City’s top cop denied that the dog in Kennedy’s photo was actually Buster.

“Buster is much more handsome than the pooch in the pic,” White concluded. “Maybe Mike is just looking for excuses for his lousy picks?”

Mike wasn’t alone. Here are some of the other feeble rejoinders from pigskin pickers who shamed The League in Week 10.

Jim Hightower: I was going to blame Buster, too, but Mr. Kennedy beat me to it. I have no excuses, except that I must be living in some sort of depressed reverie because of the Dallas Cowboys. I hate football.

Anne Hagman: I have been busy getting my 16-year-old son, a brand new licensed driver, on the road, which can be a little distracting, especially with dogs running loose and distracted football pickers on the road.

DeAnne Boegli: This contest has forced me into a new world of sports, and now I realize that I should stop listening to all the sports pundits and armchair quarterbacks and simply pick the team based on my intuition (or the best looking uniforms), because every week the team that “should” win simply doesn’t ... At this point I think my dog could make better predictions. But how about those Packers!

Pat Knight: I’m not a big fan of excuses, other than it would appear that I don’t know a darn thing about NFL Football teams this year! It would appear that Vegas doesn’t either. I am going to simply start flipping a coin for each game, as I think it would prove to be better odds. Of course, I will continue to root for those darn Dallas Cowboys as my shrink says they are directly related to my 23 years of being upset with the game (the last time they were any good was 1996).

Jim Winger: Well said Chief Knight! If you are doing well with your picks this year, you really have no idea what you are doing! Vegas does it for a living and they can’t figure it out. At least I am picking my own picks. I have inside information that Mike Kennedy and Chief White are delegating out their picks. Very sad!

Kennedy again: Hey, Winger. If you talk to the kids at Lake City High School, they say you’ve been delegating out your job for decades now!

Jared Staples: Not enough sleep, too much sunshine in Florida, disappointed with Buster’s behavior, I’ve got excuses coming out my ears! If anyone needs a good excuse just let me know. I’ve got enough to share!

And the best excuse of all? That came from the guy who now stands alone in first place.

Steve Cameron: I have no excuse. I’m an idiot.

To check out last week’s carnage and see what the excuse-manufacturers came up with this week, wander over to today’s Sports section.