Perhaps Sammie was right about the Browns

Anne Abrams

Community Library Network Foundation

Post Falls

Dear Anne:

I have to apologize.

But I’m trying my best, I really am.

Mike Patrick, Press editor and big daddy commissioner, suspects that I don’t care about being a Pigskin Prognosticator — perhaps because I’ve mentioned that Sammie the World’s Greatest Cat was allowed to make my picks for a couple of weeks.

Hold on, though…

I corrected a few of Sammie’s apparently egregious choices (a mistake, because she was right on most of them), and I’ve given it every ounce of my energy for the past month or more.

Anne, I’m sure you know I would love to win this thing and earn the foundation a big chunk of free ad space in our paper.

I am one of humanity’s most outspoken proponents of reading, and I agree with best-selling author Stephen King that when a society stops reading, it opens the door for tyrants and total breakdown.

Sheer chaos.

ON THE flip side, I feel honored to represent the Community Library Network Foundation in this strange guesswork competition.

Your efforts, and those of the library network itself, are close to my heart.

I care deeply about learning, which is the means by which we might create a society intelligent enough that you wouldn’t have to Google the word “refrigerator” to know where you put the cold stuff.

So why, you might be asking, have I not surged into the lead against a field of local businesspeople and squabbling law enforcement bosses?

Well, here’s the problem…

The Cleveland Browns.

I’ve been stubborn and stupid enough to believe that the Browns, a trendy pick to make the playoffs this year (and perhaps break a title drought that goes back to 1964), will turn things around after a slow start.

For weeks and weeks, I’ve bought into the nonsense that the Browns — with some talented individuals who are much worse as the sum of their parts — have merely been a bit unlucky, and that all their skill would surely rise to the surface.

No!

Even Sammie the World’s Greatest Cat howls and deserts me when I hover over the keyboard and begin to type the word “Cleveland.”

Am I just a moron?

(Rhetorical question, no answer required, thanks.)

The truth is that the Browns are, like their hideous uniforms, just plain crap.

If I could just have a re-do for those weeks when I’ve picked the Browns, I’d be on the cusp of succeeding as the top guru, the Grand Prognosticator.

And still, right up through last weekend when I chose the Browns to beat the pitiful and directionless Denver Broncos, I’ve refused to accept reality.

The Browns couldn’t score against tall grass.

Snoopy is playing free safety.

THE WORST error I’ve made in this fiasco is suspecting that Cleveland quarterback Baker Mayfield would get his act together.

Mayfield says constantly that he’s going to be the greatest ever to play that position.

He makes fun of opponents and assures the world he’s going to whip their backsides.

What routinely happens, though, is that Baker keeps getting his face planted in the dirt.

And the Browns lose again.

Hall of Fame quarterback Steve Young has a theory about Mayfield’s approach.

“If you’re a bull rider,” Young says, “you’ve already got one of the toughest jobs in the world.

“So why would you go over and slap the bull on the nose before you even start?

“That’s Baker Mayfield.”

At last, I’m prepared to agree.

So I’m off the bandwagon.

No more picking Cleveland, no matter the opponent or the circumstances.

But watch…

Now the Browns will probably win a couple of games.

Nah.

We’re safe, Anne.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns for The Press appear on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Steve also contributes the “Zags Tracker” package on Gonzaga basketball each Tuesday.