The tape doesn't lie ... unless it does

Let’s start with one of the most hilarious job titles in history.

Monika Bickert is Facebook’s vice president for product policy and counterterrorism.

If you’re wondering what Ms. Bickert and her strange position in the Facebook hierarchy have to do with sports, please…

A little patience, boys and girls.

We’ll be in the sporting world soon enough, and if you don’t see the obvious connection, then I promise I’ll apply for a job like Ms. Bickert’s — say, at Bill’s Bazooka Emporium and Center for World Peace.

OK, OK…

Yeah, I made up that bit about the gig at Bill’s, but loony as it may seem, everything else in today’s episode is either entirely factual or completely possible in this age of technology.

In fact, “possible” isn’t the right word.

This stuff is child’s play for anyone who can manipulate a computer.

Ms. Bickert with the bizarre job title is in the news because she was the Facebook spokesperson wheeled out to defend the company’s refusal to remove a tampered video of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

HERE’S THE Facebook defense…

The Pelosi “drunk tape” has been proven fake, Bickert said, and Facebook was labeling it as false — but nonetheless leaving it available so that “people can make that decision for themselves.”

So where does sports fit into this narrative?

Well, here’s a harmless example…

If you can take a simple, everyday speech from a politician and make her look drunk with just a little fiddling, surely you can make anyone (me, for instance) look like an amazing sub-par golfer.

No problem.

Watch this shot of me swinging, then a view of the ball sailing through the sky, and finally a stunning look at a ball landing three feet from the pin.

Never mind that the second two clips were really Brooks Koepka.

That kind of thing would just be fun, but what about subtle altering of controversial plays in real games — so that by the time they hit ESPN, reality has been replaced by confusion.

The famous phrase “he said, she said” might soon be replaced by “your tape, my tape.”

I don’t want to suggest any potential abusers by name (so I’ll let you guess at Bill Belichick all by yourself).

We’re already being fooled by technology, but it’s harmless and no one takes it seriously.

Surely you’ve seen a compilation of YouTube videos strung together to make any player look like a Hall of Fame candidate.

BUT HEY…

Hand this job over to a “deepfake” expert and he or she could probably show you a tape proving that the Mariners have won 11 in a row.

Think about it: Even with no fiddling, sports fans can argue long into the night over a pass interference call.

So imagine where we’d be when almost everyone has the skill or contacts to fudge reality just a little — or maybe even turning things truly upside down to get a full-scale argument rolling.

Eventually, I suppose, each league commissioner and even the NCAA will need to employ a vice president of product policy and counterterrorism.

And play-by-play announcers will say…

“This apparent offside violation never really happened, but we’ll show it to you anyway. Go ahead and argue. Throw pizza at each other.”

At least it wouldn’t be the real world, right?

Like Facebook.

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns for The Press appear on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Steve also contributes the “Zags Tracker” package on Gonzaga basketball once monthly during the off season.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com