DNA testing reveals family secret

Ask me where I’m from, and I’ll tell you I was born in New Jersey, grew up overseas, and now live in Idaho. But ask me where my ancestors were from, and it’s not that easy. My father said that his parents were from Germany and Switzerland, but my mother’s family was a typical vague American mix of unknown ethnicities.

So when Ancestry.com advertised a Black Friday half-price special, I jumped at the chance. Maybe I’m descended from Native American warriors, French peasants, or even Scottish Highlanders.

I sent off my DNA sample and a few weeks later received my results. As expected, my ethnicity estimate was primarily Germanic and northwestern Europe, no big surprises there. However, I do have a percentage from the British Isles and Norway, so maybe there was a handsome Highlander or Viking somewhere in my distant past.

However, what was even more interesting was the list of possible DNA matches they sent me - that is, other customers that I might be related to. While the people they suggested as potential first and second cousins actually are my cousins, there was a “close relative” I didn’t recognize: A woman from New Jersey. Since my only blood relatives in New Jersey are male, I thought I’d send her a note through the website to find out more.

But life got busy, and I forgot.

A few weeks later, Ancestry.com notified me that I had a message in my inbox. It was from this woman, Linda, asking me the same question I had planned to ask her:

“Who are you, anyway?”

I shared some basic information about my family, and was surprised when she told me that as a child, she had actually known my father, and his brother and sister.

Mystified, I called her. Linda said that when she received her DNA results, she found no connection to anyone on her father’s side of the family. However, she was related to people in MY family, including me, her potential “close relative.”

Digging deeper into test results, she discovered that there was a high probability that she was my grandparent, my aunt, or my half-sibling, based on a unit of measurement called a centiMorgan. The total number of shared centiMorgans represents the amount of DNA two people have in common because they both inherited it from a recent common ancestor. The higher the number, the closer you are to your match.

It took time for her to find the courage to write to me. She apologized for being the bearer of bad news, but said that it looked like we had the same father.

Linda was my half-sister.

Her concern about approaching me isn’t surprising. With the growing popularity of DNA testing, there are more and more horror stories circulating about people making similar discoveries and contacting new family members only to encounter anger, hostility, and shame as family secrets and infidelities are exposed. Although there are other, more positive stories, too.

While it was a shock, it wasn’t bad news for me. My father was 29 and single at the time Linda was conceived, and he didn’t meet my mother until years later. It didn’t really have an emotional impact on me. Understandably, it was a little different for her.

Coincidentally, I was visiting friends near where she lives, so we decided to meet. When she walked into the restaurant, there was no doubt: the family resemblance was unmistakable. We talked about our lives and our families, and discovered that we worked for the same company in the same office building for a summer in the ‘80s. It’s a small world, indeed.

Since that meeting, we’ve stayed in touch online, and look forward to getting together again. We’ll never know the details of what happened all those decades ago. Everyone who might have known anything about it is long gone. All we can do is wonder, and guess. Regardless, I have a new relative and friend, which is pretty exciting.

So, think twice before deciding to give someone a DNA test as a present. Or at least warn them that they might find more than a Scottish Highlander hiding in their family tree!