Life Decisions: Never too young
Heather King faced tough decisions when her teenage son’s life hung in the balance. She believes everyone should communicate their wishes while still healthy. (Photo/Heritage Health)
An accident-induced brain injury nearly cost Eli Peske his life. The experience taught him to prioritize life’s quality over its quantity. (Photo/Heritage Health)
Eli Peske doesn’t remember the walk home from work. He has no memory of his head bouncing off a car windshield or being thrown 30 feet and smacking his head on the pavement.
He doesn’t remember being put on a breathing machine in the ICU or facing an uncertain future But his mother does.
“The details of the night are very vivid and real, even to this day,” said Heather King, a nurse practitioner with Heritage Health. “It was incredibly scary.”
When King arrived at the hospital on April 20, 2015, her son had suffered from subdural hematomas to his brain, including his frontal lobe. The frontal lobe controls important cognitive skills, such as emotional expression, problem solving, memory, language and judgment.
Interestingly, young Eli suffered no other major injuries after being struck by a car going at least 20 mph. Medical professionals didn’t know how much damage had been done and questions began to fill King’s mind.
“What outcomes would he have?”
“How would this brain injury impact the rest of his life?”
“What would he have to relearn?”
“If it is severe, do I forgo life-saving measures?”
“Do we proceed with surgery and if we do, what outcome will it lead to?”
“Will he want to live ‘that way,’ whatever ‘that way’ meant?”
“At 17, does he know what he would want?”
Many more questions were asked and unanswered. Reflecting on the experience, King says that it crystallized the importance of making sure a person’s wishes are documented.
“Eli and I had talked about these things because of the nature of my work,” said King, who treats elderly patients living in nursing homes and assisted living facilities.
King says she knew her son didn’t want to be in a persistent coma or be unable to perform activities like eating and dressing himself.
Fortunately, he didn’t need surgery or long-term care.
After months of therapy and rest at home, Eli slowly recovered from the traumatic brain injury. He graduated high school and he is studying chemical engineering at North Dakota State University, earning straight A’s. He plans to attend graduate school.
“The first two years were rocky,” said Eli, who is now 22. “I am pretty much back to normal. I feel very lucky.”
Eli is a firm believer that quality of life is far more important than the quantity of life.
“I think it’s really important to let your wishes be known,” he says. “Those are very hard situations and I know I would never want to be severely handicapped… I wouldn’t be me anymore.”
His mom said the experience with her son is a reminder to people of all ages to confront death head-on.
“I make sure to know what all my family members and friends want because life is not guaranteed, but death is,” said King. “We cannot choose how to die, but we can choose what we are willing to endure or not endure in order to save us, prolong our lives or prolong our deaths.
“Everyone should have a ‘go to’ person, a person that they trust to make the tough decisions, the life-or-death decisions, and speak with them often about your dying wishes.”
For more information about how to have those difficult conversations, contact the Heritage Health Post-Acute Care team at (208) 620-5250.