Jams and Jellies

In 2006, my wife, Holly, and I moved to Coeur d’Alene from the Washington, D.C., area. The purpose of the move was for Holly to be closer to her mother, who has been a resident of Hayden since 1984.

Being a loving son-in-law to my favorite mother-in-law, I declare that I share this affection, which has nothing to do with her will. (My mother-in-law thinks my quip is funny, so any too-serious reader can lighten up.)

Family matters aside, Jeanne settled permanently in Hayden and still lives there. As mentioned, we settled initially in Coeur d’Alene, later moving to Hayden, because it was a shorter distance to Holly’s mother’s home.

There were actually two reasons for the move. The second reason was that Holly had purchased a puppy and the condominium unit where we lived did not allow animals of any kind (except humans, of course). Thus, we found ourselves shopping for a more private and accommodating dog house. It turns out the new dog house was much larger than our condo unit and could house several canines, but we settled on one dog. The new home fit our needs and placed us a short distance from my mother-in-law, Jeanne.

The travel time to and from Holly’s mom via Coeur d’Alene was not long, about 25 minutes, but the new route was only about 10 minutes.

With either passage, I noticed how little traffic congestion there was in the Coeur d’Alene/Hayden area in comparison to the traffic in D.C. and also in the Los Angeles area, where we spent time with our relatives.

Having lived in the D.C. area and traveled around LA since the mid-1960s, the growing populations translated into more vehicles, more highways, and much more congestion. I could have sworn that the linear increases in traffic resulted in exponential increases in congestion and delays.

The increasing bumper-to-bumper, creep-along commutes became more exasperating — and I consider myself a person not prone to exasperation. More of my time was being taken up on stop-and-go roads. I recall shouting to myself more than once, “These [expletive excluded] traffic jams are driving my brain to jelly!”

But I had no way out until I gave up and entered another profession which took me away from car jams … to airport jams. But at least I was not behind a wheel, and the airplane pilot could shout his own frustrated delay-induced profanities unbeknownst to me.

By the way, I have since sworn-off driving through the LA area, unless our son, who lives there, is in dire straits, such as suffering from CO2 sickness.

After a few months of driving around the nearly congestion-free urban area of Coeur d’Alene and Hayden, it was remarkable how my feelings about driving changed. I actually enjoyed it. Of course, the beautiful scenery helped, as did the near absence of road-rage drivers.

Once, to the puzzlement of Holly and our dog, Milli, I shouted behind the wheel of our car, “Thank God, I’m free at last!” As I thought to myself, “And my brain is firming up.”

Unfortunately, I fear we are witnessing the D.C./LA traffic syndrome forming itself in the Coeur d’Alene/Hayden metro area. U.S. 95, Northwest Boulevard, and Government Way have become semi-gridlocks during certain times of the day. It has become worse as more housing developments are being built.

I am not an authority on urban growth and its effect on the quality of life of citizens. But this I do know: Our quality of life is deteriorating because of the rapid pace of building housing developments. The area’s infrastructure is in danger of not keeping up with the granting of building permits.

If you wish, call me a carpetbagger: Once I stake out my claim, I lobby against any more dog houses (large or small) being built. You can tell me: “If you don’t like the growth, go back to D.C.” I can’t do that. My mother-in-law does not care for the East Coast.

I am living happily in the Coeur d’Alene/Hayden area, with this plea to our city leaders: Manage growth! Make it gradual and controlled, and deny permits for Trump-Tower-like megaprojects.

As things are going now, Northwest Boulevard will soon resemble LA’s Sunset Boulevard on Oscar night.

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Uyless, Holly, and assorted dogs are currently varying their residences between Coeur d’Alene, Hayden, and Palm Springs. Uyless can be reached at The Coeur d’Alene Press and welcomes your correspondence.