Astrology is bunk, right? Right?
Do you believe in astrology?
Tarot cards?
Fortune cookies?
OK, would you put faith in ANYTHING that can tell you how the future is going to go?
I mean, seriously, the movement of Mars ascending can’t possibly get you a better job.
That’s ridiculous.
Imagine interviewing for a top position with a hefty raise and hearing the boss say: “I think you’re the person I’m looking for, but we haven’t had much luck with Scorpios.”
As for the cookies, it’s not that hard to print out a fortune that says, “You will enjoy your life.”
Seriously, if you weren’t already enjoying life, you wouldn’t be out getting happily gouged a hundred bills for the price of a Chinese dinner that cost five bucks to make.
I play in golf foursomes that could throw together clever enough lines for some of those cookies.
EXCEPT …
A couple things have happened over the years that make me wonder.
And I know some of you wonder, too, or newspapers wouldn’t all carry horoscopes.
You wouldn’t be buying those little books in grocery store lines to see what’s up for an Aries next month.
Anyhow, about my conversion from complete skeptic to a guy who says, “It all sounds silly, but …”
First came the world’s greatest fortune cookie, courtesy of a restaurant in Denver.
It read: “You will make thousands of dollars daily for doing nothing.”
Hey, now …
OK, this fantastic transition hasn’t happened to me yet, but I’m an optimist — and I know THAT because I’m a Sagittarius.
And while I don’t bother fretting over daily horoscopes (my advice last Sunday began: “Stay out of trouble”), I was floored years ago by a book called Sun Signs.
It was written by Linda Goodman in 1968, it’s become legendary, and the woman who gave me a battered old copy said two things.
First: “You won’t believe how accurate this will be.”
Second: “There’s a tale that says you can share this book, but supposedly there’s a curse on anyone who loses it.”
SO, OF course I lost it while moving across the country.
A month later, I was struck by lightning.
Yep.
The bolt hit a pond close to where I was playing golf. My hair stood on end for a millisecond, and then I was knocked to the ground.
I barely dodged the curse without injury, but now about the book itself … Goodman’s description of the “Sagittarius Man” fit me so well that the first time I read it, I got goose bumps.
Besides being an incurable optimist, I’m a dreamer who (as Goodman put it) “ … walks with his head in the clouds as he steps into a mud puddle.”
There’s more, way more.
I’m a perfectionist who is liable to say absolutely the wrong thing if events deny me some goal. Or more accurately, I might blurt out something incorrect for any reason at all.
But Sagittarians generally don’t mean ill when we speak without thinking, and people tend to forgive us.
WOW, THAT sounds familiar.
Yes, I’ve been active in sports all my life (Goodman’s advice to any romantic partner paired with a Sagittarius is that they’d better learn to enjoy some games on TV), and yes, I have the bumps and bruises.
Because …
Despite being generally athletic, Goodman notes that we’re also needlessly clumsy — partly from walking and dreaming at the same time — and tend to endure rather absurd accidents.
Sigh.
I’m still scraped from falling at the bottom of our steps.
Reading that book is scary, believe me.
It’s the reason I don’t dismiss planets and stars and horoscopes out of hand.
It’s also the reason I still think that fortune cookie has a chance, because Goodman says Sagittarians are incredibly lucky throughout their lives — despite plenty of missteps.
And indeed, I have been relentlessly fortunate again and again, which is kind of how I landed in North Idaho with a condo on a golf course.
When that cookie comes good, though …
I promise I’ll let you know.
•••
Steve Cameron is a columnist for The Press.
A Brand New Day appears from Wednesday through Saturday each week.
Steve’s column on Gonzaga basketball runs on Tuesday.
Email: scameron@cdapress.com
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