Math prevails over columnist (again)

Yo, it’s Chat Day again, so let’s have some fun.

We can even start with a few laughs at my expense.

You know, it’s not really embarrassing to goof while figuring a whole bunch of numbers (anyone can do that), but I managed to make a subtraction error in the Saturday column that I had jokingly billed as ...

Math class.

Groan.

I was trying to point out the staggering amount of hours we spend on our smartphones (and other devices). On the way to that point, however, I subtracted 56 from 168 and somehow came up with 102 instead of 112.

Duh!

The hilarious part is that I missed the mistake despite three readings, then our editors missed the error, but ...

A lot of readers were all over it.

As of this minute, 23 people have written to announce that I’m an idiot.

OK, they’ve been much more polite than that because it’s a charitable community, but I certainly FEEL like an idiot.

Even Celine Dion didn’t say hi to me backstage today.

Sigh ...

ITEM: I’ve mentioned before that trying to keep your personal information secret is a waste of time.

If you’ve ever been online, or shared your Social Security number in a business transaction, you’re cooked.

Hackers in Malaysia know your shirt size, for heaven’s sake.

Frankly, I don’t mind it too much, because every website is going to bury you with ads no matter what — so they might as well be ads for something that could interest you.

I’m fine with targeted ads, but ...

Maybe some of these entrepreneurs need to check their information again.

For instance, some organization with a San Francisco area code must have my name and phone number, because these people sent me a text.

“Steve,” it read, “you’re a great fit to join this online panel on the past, present and future of Hip-Hop Culture.”

Seriously?

Sorry, gang, I’m from the wrong generation, but ...

Any of you Hip-Hoppers want the link?

ITEM: Animals can do amazing things.

For instance, Sammie the World’s Greatest Cat is working on a particular skill, the art of turning on a bathroom faucet.

She’d rather not have to request a stream of drinking water, so why not handle it herself?

So far, Sammie has figured out how to move the handle — but her front paws aren’t strong enough. She’ll need to nudge it with her shoulder.

She’ll probably get it, so I’m just hoping she doesn’t flood the place in the middle of the night.

To be fair, though, Sammie’s stunt with the faucet is small stuff. I mean, a gecko in Hawaii has been making phone calls.

True.

A gecko stood on the touch screen of a wall phone at Ke Kai Ola Hawaiian Monk Seal Hospital in Kailua-Kona, and began making calls.

Vet Claire Simeone was just sitting down for lunch when her cellphone rang — nine times in 15 minutes.

“The first thing I thought was that there was some kind of an emergency because I started getting call after call in really rapid succession,” she said.

No emergency.

It took a while (and a visit from a phone technician), but eventually someone found the gecko — ringing a different staff member each time it moved its foot.

So all was well with the monk seals, and to complete the happy ending, the gecko is now part of the hospital staff.

The little green guy is now a member of the organization’s “customer experience” — presumably showing visitors how to use the touch-screen phone.

Now why can’t Sammie think of a gig like that?

FINALLY: Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Don’t burn the turkey.

Oh, look ...

Celine is waving to everyone, wishing you the best in both English and French.

•••

Steve Cameron is a columnist for The Press.

A Brand New Day appears from Wednesday through Saturday each week.

Steve’s column on Gonzaga basketball runs on Tuesday.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com

Facebook: BrandNewDayCDAPress

Twitter: @BrandNewDayCDA