Another criminal genius bites the dust
It’s kind of a standing joke within the Post Falls Police Department.
There are cameras mounted in all the city’s parks, and they’re each positioned in well-lighted areas to warn off graffiti artists and other pranksters.
You’d almost have to TRY to get arrested with some illegal stunt.
And still …
A few morons do actually get caught breaking the law, directly in the eye of a motionless camera.
Seriously.
But Lee White, now, he gets that kind of idiocy. He’s seen it a million times.
The Coeur d’Alene police chief put it this way: “We do deal with some serious situations, of course, but there are lots of other times when …
“Let’s just say we’re not dealing with criminal masterminds like you see in the movies.
“Honestly, sometimes you really wonder what some of these characters are thinking. It’s not usually a spark of intelligence.”
White’s observation popped into mind after that bizarre standoff last week at the Ramada Inn in Coeur d’Alene.
Budding genius Ryan Haynes, a gentleman with a colorful felony history and an outstanding federal warrant, decided to escape arrest by barricading himself in his hotel room.
SURE, WHAT could go wrong with that plan?
Before we get back to the adventures of Mr. Haynes, I’ve got to tell you about a different sort of hotel caper that I witnessed in Manhattan, Kan.
Another rocket scientist like Haynes had gotten himself into some kind of violent domestic beef in Pottawatomie County, which is adjacent to the city of Manhattan.
The guy conceded later that he thought because Manhattan is in Riley County, he’d be untouchable if he could make it across the county line and rent a room.
It turned out, of course, that he didn’t even get a good night’s sleep for his money, since he woke up before dawn to discover an army of Riley County cops surrounding the hotel.
I’m sure he thought: Hey, that’s not fair.
In any event, when the voice on the RCPD loudspeaker made it clear they would be coming in without shaking hands or offering polite introductions, our hero ran out through the front lobby of the place — wearing nothing but his boxer shorts.
Talk about an embarrassing arrest.
You wouldn’t want to share that one in a prison chow hall.
NOW THEN, back to our man Haynes at the Ramada last week.
I would love to know exactly what he was thinking, but since that’s a bit of a mystery, we’ll have to guess.
Haynes obviously knew there was a warrant for his arrest. Seeing a full-blown, locked and loaded SWAT team assembled right below your room is a sure tip-off that you’re not going to simply check out and drive off.
At that moment, Haynes would have been better off following the lead of the guy in Kansas — just strolling out in his undies, hands high in the air.
Instead, he thought about his predicament and promptly made a bad situation even worse.
As the Coeur d’Alene cops tried to negotiate with him, Haynes announced that he had a firearm.
Oh, swell.
That meant snipers would have to be in position and the slightest move of aggression now could get Haynes blown away.
Clever negotiating tactic, eh?
WE CAN only speculate why Haynes believed that two hours of conversation in the presence of a SWAT unit would help him out — but he held his position from early morning until brunch.
Tactically, though, Haynes might as well have been Gen. Custer.
I mean, his morning really wasn’t going to end well.
So what was he thinking?
“Let’s see, if I barricade the door, they can’t get in at me. Maybe they’ll all go on break or something.”
That sounds ridiculous, but Haynes’s strategy was just as silly.
Eventually the cops took the route they hoped would ensure no loss of life, and lobbed tear gas into the room.
When Haynes stubbornly hung on through that barrage, the police turned loose a K-9 dog — one trained to bite and subdue a subject.
And finally, burning from the gas and no doubt sporting ugly teeth marks on various limbs, Haynes gave it up and was hauled away.
I still wonder if he thought putting a desk or a sofa in front of his door was going to be the answer.
We all know that a cleverly wedged couch will stop a SWAT team every time. Hey, it would work for MacGyver.
Time to cue up Chief White’s remark about criminal masterminds.
Meanwhile, Haynes’s goofy holdout interrupted the busy breakfast service at the IHOP next door, since the place had to be evacuated.
Let’s hope the dog got him good, because that’s REALLY a crime against local society.
Woof!
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Steve Cameron is a columnist for The Press.
A Brand New Day appears from Wednesday through Saturday each week.
Steve’s column on Gonzaga basketball runs on Tuesday.
Email: scameron@cdapress.com
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