The wildness and wonder of relationship
I am missing my friend today. She is not here anymore (on Earth, I mean), but she has visited me in my dreams.
That’s the risk in relationship; there will inevitably be loss.
She left in August. It’s October now. Sometimes, I count the days and weeks by how long she has been gone. I say to myself, “people will think I am crazy if they know,” but then, I don’t care. I want to feel the whole of what life offers:
a giving, a taking
a building, a breaking.
I recently attended a memorial celebration in her honor. I was struck by the depth and width of the people she had influenced and touched. She was an inspiration in life and death by the deposit, rather than impression left behind.
We don’t truly live unless we allow love and difficulties and pain to touch us, and I want to really live.
Life and death are equally exquisite, although we don’t often view it that way. I recently watched a movie, “Collateral Beauty’, that broaches this complex subject. It’s easier for us to just “hope for the best,” isn’t it? I am inclining my heart to be prepared for both good and bad, happy and sad, hard and easy, because, that’s what will be handed to each of us, a mixture of it all.
I am beginning to believe, that the deeper I allow myself to engage in any given circumstance or relationship, whether mountaintop or valley, the more completely I am known, to myself and to others. If we spend our entire lives reacting or responding to events and interactions with people according to social norms or what is expected, we will never touch the core of who we are.
When we take a risk in relationship, there comes reward. It doesn’t necessarily mean it will be a yellow brick road or have a happy ending, but it does mean we will discover intricacies about ourselves we were unaware of before.
I wonder sometimes if this is the reason there is such a high rate of depression and anxiety. Are we so concerned with getting things right, we stay stuck in a performance mentality that strips us of our energy and joy? Is there so much fear that our hearts might get broken, or our feelings hurt, that we choose isolation and loneliness over human connection?
Today, if you happened upon this article, it is not a random coincidence. Especially if your heart and spirit are shouting, “YES!”
Take the risk, make the phone call, restore the relationship, walk through the awkwardness, stay through the messiness. We just have this one life given to us, don’t miss out on the wildness and wonder awaiting.
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.” - Proverbs 17:17
In loving memory of my friend, Cathy Shortridge.
Great love and kindness to you,
Raydeane