Real sports fans don't play fantasy leagues

This is going to make a lot of my friends go ballistic, but ...

I hate fantasy leagues.

Despise them. Loathe the entire concept. Wish I could boil the very first fantasy junkie in bubbling tar.

Are you catching my point here?

Doesn’t matter what sport, either: baseball, football, now even soccer — and just exactly how to do you assign points to a left back who scored a lucky goal but failed to track his man on defense a dozen times?

Anyhow, now that we have established my opinion on fantasy sports, there’s something else I find even more bewildering.

How can you be an ACTUAL sports fan — you know, with favorite teams and all of that — and still take a fantasy league seriously?

I mean, what if a pitcher on your fantasy team is throwing a shutout against your real hometown team?

Yes, that one where everyone has the same uniforms, that team trying desperately to squeeze into the playoffs?

ISN’T THAT a ridiculous proposition, right on the face of it?

I grew up in the suburbs of San Francisco — yes, yes, but just leave politics out of this, please, since I left after college and have never lived there again.

Anyway, I’m a shameless fan of the Giants, the 49ers, the Warriors and even the San Jose Sharks.

I do have a few other favorites, either because I’ve covered them professionally or written books about them, but still ...

I was raised to despise all teams in Oakland and Los Angeles, because even as a child I learned those are inferior cities. Smog down south and Al Davis across the bay.

What else do you need to know?

It broke my heart that Vin Scully was the Dodgers’ play-by-play announcer, since he’s the best ever, and a wonderful gentleman, to boot.

I always assumed his only excuse for not moving immediately to the Bay Area was that he’d moved with the Dodgers from Brooklyn.

My point is that it’s totally absurd to invest emotion in teams you truly care about — the whole idea of being a fan, really — and then blast the whole thing to pieces with a fantasy team filled with guys you should hope will fail.

AS FOR soccer, the passion is even more inflamed.

I’m an Arsenal loyalist — yeah, we’re struggling — and if I were put into a fantasy league at gunpoint or something, I could NEVER select a Tottenham player.

Never.

Back here at home, I wouldn’t choose Tom Brady for a fantasy team if he were available in the 75th round — because, first, I’m sick of the Patriots; second, we know he cheats; and finally, Brady went to a high school that was our No. 1 rival.

Do you see what I mean?

If you care about the Seahawks, why would you want to be in one of those nutty situations where you want them to score, but the guy leading your stupid fantasy league has Russell Wilson?

So what then?

YOU HOPE Wilson finds Tyler Lockett in the open, but pray that Lockett gets pushed out of bounds at the 1-yard-line? That way, Wilson doesn’t get credit for a TD but Seattle scores anyway, yeah?

Sure, because NOTHING could go wrong with the Seahawks on the 1-yard-line.

Hah!

Don’t you see that it’s crazy to be rooting for players on both teams, or trying to imagine bizarre scenarios where your guy succeeds — but not too much or your favorite team loses?

No?

Then you don’t understand the concept of caring about sports.

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Steve Cameron is a special assignment reporter for The Press and the author of 13 sports books. Reach Steve via email: scameron@cdapress.com.