The culture of motherhood

COEUR d’ALENE — Being a mom has changed a lot since 1926.

Modern conveniences and technology have reduced the time it takes to care for children, prepare meals and do the laundry. More moms have jobs outside the home. Life moves at a faster pace.

But something that hasn't changed is Mom needs her friends, and sometimes Mom needs a break.

Even 91 years ago, moms knew that (moms always know what's best). That's why the Mothers Club was created.

"You need friendship throughout your life," said retired school teacher and Mothers Club member Betty Cheeley. "I hate to see you trying to be a mom in isolation."

Every Thursday morning, this group of ladies gathers at Dockside in The Coeur d'Alene Resort to socialize over breakfast and carry on a tradition that was started by those wise Coeur d'Alene moms of yesteryear.

Originally dubbed the "Mothers' Self Culture Club," these ladies came together to talk about good mom topics — babies, cooking, education, pregnancy, community events, health — and to just get out of the house for one or two nights a month.

It has transformed through the years to a relaxed weekly breakfast, but it still serves the same purpose.

"It’s really important for mental health that we socialize and that we laugh," said club member Mary Brown. "The older ladies wrote a long four-page letter, previous to our generation, and they said we didn’t know how to have fun. So we had to learn how to have fun, and they were very dogmatic about what we should be doing to have fun."

Many of the current members have been in the club for several years. Cheeley joined in 1960 after moving to Coeur d'Alene in '59.

“One of the first things I joined was Mothers Club,” she said. "We talked a lot about what to do with certain things. There wasn’t the help that there is today."

Cheeley said the group has played an important role in many women's lives because it provides a much-needed breather from the structure and responsibility of motherhood.

"We were in charge of so much raising our children, and in the olden days you did everything," she said. "Then we would put more time and energy into a program we would do, how we would meet and practice, and it was really fun. It didn’t matter what we did, where in everything else it really mattered. It was the night the fathers took the children and put them to bed and cleaned the kitchen after dinner. Usually we made dinner before we went."

In the earlier days of the Mothers Club, one member would host a meeting in her home where about 30 moms could enjoy refreshments and time away from the kids. A theme was chosen for each program and attendance was taken. In 1956, 35 members attended a meeting and those 35 women had 103 children among them. The club members still have the ledgers, filled with the beautiful penmanship of their predecessors.

“We took record of how many children were in the group and it would be about 48. Five (ladies) were pregnant," said Brown, who also has been in the club since 1960. "We always kept track of how many were coming. That was always recorded in our minutes. Our minutes were always the highlight of our meeting from the last meeting."

Many of these ladies were stay-at-home moms, domestic warriors who depended on their Mothers Club time to share tips, ask for advice and cut loose a little.

“In today’s era, most mothers have to work," said Mothers Club member Dorothy Schedler. "I can’t imagine working all day and then coming home and being that relaxed, fun mom when you have so many responsibilities. Literally you have more than one job."

The ladies agree that being a mom nowadays is tougher than ever. While modern technology has its conveniences, a big drawback is the increase in the "I want it now" attitude.

“When our first child was born in the middle of the night, my husband had to wait until the morning to call the hospital to see if the baby had arrived,” said club member Gratia Griffith. "I still have a picture in my mind of a 13-year-old when she found out I didn’t have a cell phone until I was 70."

When Cheeley moved to Coeur d'Alene, the population was 11,000 and she would send her kiddos on their bikes to City Beach with no worries or concerns.

"It was a perfect time to raise kids,” she said. “I am thankful every day of my life, I thank the Lord, for when I was alive. I taught at a wonderful time to be able to teach. We could do what we felt was best for kids and the parents thought it was a good idea."

Although the ladies in the Mothers Club are also grandmas or even great-grandmas now, they'll always have an appreciation for what it means to be a mom, and for each other.  

"We were raising kids at a time that they had freedom to do things yet they learned to be responsible," Cheeley said. "I’m so glad I’ve always had this group. We learned a lot of different things that we’d never known about if we hadn’t been in this group."