Whew! The draft has died for a year

It is now one of the biggest sports events of the year, and yet there is no action at all.

Unless you have to go grab a beer every time Mel Kiper moves his lips.

I truly wish someone would explain the fascination of the NFL draft — and I don’t mean interest in it.

No, of course, millions of fans all over the country (and now the world) had every reason to wonder last weekend about the newest crop of rookies who will be coming to camp this summer.

Will this linebacker from Alabama make us better against the run? Did we steal a future Hall of Famer in the sixth round?

That’s fun stuff, and everyone jabbering on about it has an opinion — with the understood truth that, hell...

Nobody knows until these guys actually suit up and play the game.

Or not, as the case may be.

BUT HOW in the world did this event become prime-time TV?

Not just for a couple of hours, either, but three days.

I can honestly say it is pretty much on a par with the idea of spending time watching my cat sleep. Which is to say, serious interest lasts about as long as it takes to brew some coffee.

And yet somehow, this draft has become a television monster. The scenes are fancy ballrooms or outdoor stages. Cities actually bid to host the NFL’s distribution of labor resources.

A colleague once heard out my argument for NEVER watching the draft and said: “OK, they don’t play games or have a scrimmage or anything, but in a lot of ways it’s like the Republican and Democratic conventions. There are no touchdown passes there, either, but millions of people watch.”

Wait a second, now.

Please don’t insult my intelligence. First of all, the conventions will never be as boring as the draft – and look, I’m not saying conventions are a thrill a minute, either.

However, there is a chance you might witness a moment or speech that will be remembered, or something that alters the course of the nation.

At the draft, unless some 360-pounder decides to bench press Roger Goodell, the MOST exciting moments will revolve around how quickly some 18-year-old can turn his hips.

And hey, maybe the kid contracted bursitis just last week.

A FEW minutes with the draft might be OK, as long as Chris Berman is making up nicknames for fledgling pros and generally acting as if it’s all just a big laugh.

But as soon as Mel and all the other experts wheeled in to examine each pick as though they are completing some spectacular scientific breakthrough begin their analysis...

Pass the sick bag!

And when the draft is over, the TV talking heads produce a list of winners and losers — teams that had great drafts and those that need new personnel directors.

Like there’s a way to tell, right?

Psst...

Let me break it to you: You’ll know the winners and losers when they start dealing out concussions in the fall.

Kiper’s shiniest, most brilliant gold star (“The kid has long arms and great lower body leverage...”) will not prevent a rookie left tackle from being knocked on his can.

By the way, is the draft finally over yet?

Steve Cameron is a special assignment reporter for The Press. Email: scameron@cdapress.com