Serious talk on bigfoots, Harrys and Hendersons

Bigfoot is out there.

While there remains no definitive proof of Sasquatch, believers can cling to reports like last week’s car vs. deer incident near Potlatch. The driver claims she saw Bigfoot chasing the deer, but of course local law enforcement found no evidence of the legendary creature. That’s the official report anyway.

Scoff all you want at this story. I believe the driver, and I believe, in just a few short years, her story will be vindicated, as will the stories from all those other crazy people. Once the federal government guts the Environmental Protection Agency, we’re going to start ripping forests down across the Inland Northwest until we find an adorable Sasquatch family just chilling in a cave home, gnawing at the bones of a dead moose.

(Side contest — Five bucks to the person who can get the president to answer a question on Twitter about the existence of Bigfoot. Let’s start getting some real federal resources on this search).

I speak on the issue as something of an expert. No, I don’t bother with those Sasquatch-hunting reality shows, but I have seen “Harry and the Hendersons” dozens of times. Now, thanks to Netflix instant streaming, you can commemorate the 30th anniversary with your very own screening.

The 1987 comedy, filmed around Seattle, was a big hit in my household as a kid. The story follows Harry, a Bigfoot, and his introduction to the human world. John Lithgow plays a John Lithgow-type family man who accidentally hits Harry with his station wagon.

Despite it being a goofy family comedy, the movie’s introduction to Harry is quite terrifying. There’s a jump scare after Lithgow straps the seemingly-dead beast to the top of the car, and the first scenes with the big guy in the Henderson household effectively convey the size and destructive abilities of Mr. Harry the Sasquatch.

I remember these scenes scaring me as a kid, which is probably why I kept watching the movie over and over again. I enjoyed the rush, I guess, but the movie doesn’t take too long to reveal Harry’s gentler side.

From now on, we should be referring to the film as Oscar winner “Harry and the Hendersons.” Rick Baker won the Academy Award for makeup, and the costume holds up well even after 30 years. In fact, Harry has a more convincing film presence than the state-of-the-art, CGI/motion-capture Beast in the new “Beauty & the Beast.” You know what? I think Emma Watson would have liked him better too (she has a strong history with guys named Harry).

Rewatching the film for the first time in probably 20 years, it’s incredible how much of the first 30 minutes I vividly remembered. The corsage snack. The little kid’s affinity for swearing, and the scene where Lithgow lures Harry back into the station wagon with sacks and sacks of fast food. As a kid, I really wanted those burgers for some reason.

The rest of the movie proved to be a bit fuzzy. Maybe Little Me only liked the first half, or maybe I eventually got distracted by my Hot Wheels cars (still a problem). Whatever the case, I don’t have much to say about the last hour of “Harry and the Hendersons,” except to mention that episode of “30 Rock” where Jack Donaghy uses Lithgow’s harsh “Goodbye my friend” speech to drive away one of his employees. Every episode of “30 Rock” deserves careful study.

I also have no memory of the syndicated “Harry” television show that serves as a pseudo sequel to the film. Bruce Davison and Molly Cheek replaced Lithgow and Melinda Dillon as the parents, and the sitcom ran for a staggering 72 episodes. I remember “Alf” though. “Alf” was legit.

I don’t know if I can fairly assess the cinematic quality of “Harry and the Hendersons” and its status in film history. It’s one of those movies where I saw it too many times as a kid and can only see it through those 7-year-old eyes. I suspect it’s a pretty terrible viewing experience for anybody who didn’t grow up with it, but we have so few pop culture depictions of the noble Sasquatch that I can’t dismiss it entirely.

Sure, Bigfoot headlines numerous B-movies across several decades. More recent efforts include the 2013 found footage entry, “Wolf Creek” from Bobcat Goldthwait, and the atrocious Adam Sandler-produced “Strange Wilderness” from 2008. I don’t count stuff on the SyFy channel either.

The best of the rest is probably a short film made by an upstart talent, circa 2005. It follows a University of Idaho student who avoids his strained relationship with his sister by hunting for a mysterious creature in the woods. Look, don’t bother searching for it on YouTube. It isn’t there. You wish though.

In the meantime, don’t be so quick to dismiss the latest Bigfoot sighting off Highway 95. What if it happened to you? What if you hit the poor thing, then strapped it to the hood, brought it home, sat it in front of the TV to laugh at monkey-related hijinks, had to hide all your wilderness “trophies” so it wouldn’t keep burying them in the backyard, fed it fish-wiches and fries, created a neighborhood panic with a poorly-thought-out TV news interview, finally befriended the smelly thing, then battled a madman hunter who wants your new friend’s head as a newel post? It’s a serious, entirely possible scenario, so maybe don’t laugh at the person who escaped with only a glimpse of the mythical giant and avoided having to take part in such a doomed and complicated relationship.

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Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.