An urgent message for today's parents
In some of my parent circles I’m known as the “progressive parent,” meaning we don’t necessarily shield our kids from tough things but we prefer to guide them, talk with them, watch shows with them, and answer tough questions sometimes in their language.
It’s not without research on our part. (I use Commonsense Media website often.) While I’d love to keep them innocent and naive, as kids get older parents lose the ability to maintain that bubble. I believe a family has a right to determine what’s the best fit for their parenting style. I also believe it’s my responsibility to be sure that what my child is watching is OK for them, which may or may not be OK for your family and that’s your right.
I previewed “13 Reasons Why” when I heard kids in middle and high schools were watching it, including those close to me. Per usual, many kids heard/knew/watched before us parents could catch up. Much of the media is focused on suicide, as it should be. But there are so many other tough topics in this show: bullying, absent parenting, entitlement, sexual harassment, drug use, physical abuse, underage drinking, reckless driving, cyberstalking, rape (oh my goodness, the rapes — yes, plural — rapeS), and even how one photo shared through social media instantaneously changes the trajectory of student safety and well-being.
Our generation as parents can’t imagine some of these things because we didn’t have the tools so easily available today. We as parents complain about the amount of time kids spend on cellphones but I believe this is generally just another evolution of parents/kid raising like rock ’n’ roll, flower children, etc. The real issue lies in what kinds of topics are our kids encountering and how do they handle it? If a child knows of a problem, do they take it on as their own? Do they know where to seek help and then let those trained take over? Do they engage or have they witnessed these types of issues? Do they feel confident enough to say this is not OK? Or do they just keep quiet because that’s the behavior parents model for various reasons?
In my four years on the Coeur d’Alene School Board, I have been astounded by the types of issues our young students, barely out of elementary school, deal with in the home and in the community. I attended the funeral of a 13-year-old who had crossed my path as a trustee. It’s a level of pain that cannot be described and he wasn’t even my child.
I’m utterly amazed at the lengths our staff and community will go to help a child. Principals make home visits when needed. Our counselors see many students who are in crisis of one form or another. The counselors call families. They call outside social services. They try to create safety plans. Our SROs take it further in their law enforcement role as support and sometimes intervention. Our district has extensively addressed suicide prevention through staff training and implemented anti-bullying programming such as Stand Up Speak Up. Our community partners like Kootenai Health, Heritage Health, Safe Passage, CdA Backback Program, the Boys & Girls Club, and numerous other nonprofits are there to partner with us because our kids are so important.
BOTTOM LINE: Kids and parents do not NEED to watch this show. I have and it was almost too hard/heavy to view. Parents CAN have conversations regardless of Netflix and they ABSOLUTELY should. If you don’t know where to start, just use the front-page article in Sunday’s paper posted below, as well as the editorial.
http://bit.ly/2riZbJb
http://bit.ly/2tdrW6D
Don’t lecture — just listen. You might be amazed at what your child has to say when they feel the freedom to express the difficulties they feel in their heart.
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Christa Hazel is a mom. She’s also an attorney and a member of the Coeur d’Alene School Board whose term expires at the end of this month. The Press wishes Christa and her family the very best.