'Dead Men' tell convoluted tales
The “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies thrive on confusing plotlines and absurd character motivations. Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow works best as a drunken wild card — fumbling through the story and mucking up the lives of both heroes and villains without prejudice.
It’s probably no coincidence the weakest entry in the series, “On Stranger Tides” (the fourth movie) happens to be the most straightforward, as Captain Jack seems too invested in the film’s quest for the Fountain of Youth. The series thrives on dramatic asides and spectacularly over-the-top action, and any time the franchise becomes too square it also becomes tedious.
The fifth film, “Dead Men Tell No Tales,” rediscovers the crazy a bit, and the movie works best when it throws ridiculous action on the screen no matter the reason. The plot is overwhelmingly convoluted too, maybe even more so than the nearly three-hour “At World’s End” (movie No. 3). At a little over two hours, “Dead Men Tell No Tales” might need more screen time to explain itself.
The meat of the story follows Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), a ghost pirate on the hunt to kill Captain Jack, and Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites), the son of Orlando Bloom’s character from the first three films who hopes to break his father’s curse. Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa returns to chew syllables and Kaya Scodelario plays a scientist/accused witch in search of her father’s legacy. They’re all looking for the legendary Trident of Poseidon because it does magical stuff.
There are other pirates and British naval officers and a bunch of other unnecessary people, and Captain Jack stumbles through all of it — though not as naturally as he did earlier in the series. Five movies in, it’s understandable that Depp’s drunken pirate routine isn’t as fresh, but the movie never makes much effort with it either.
Of all the characters, Rush’s Barbossa remains the standout, and the actor still finds a nice balance between villainy and likability. Unfortunately, Javier Bardem can’t find a similar path, as Salazar is too one-note to make for much of a threat (the ghostly special effects on him and his crew look great though).
Too much of the movie rides on the stilted romance between Thwaites and Scodelario, as they both lack the charm and (dare I say) nuance provided by Bloom and Keira Knightley in the first three films (“On Stranger Tides” also featured a monotonous romance with two young faces nobody remembers). Really, it was Depp and Knightley that sparred so well, and Sparrow just doesn’t interact with either new character enough to generate any tension or humor.
So “Dead Men Tell No Tales,” for the most part, lacks dynamic characters and a cohesive story. Make no mistake, it’s not a very good film, but there’s something to be said about the beautiful ridiculousness of its action sequences.
Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg, directors of the 2012 Norwegian breakout, “Kon Tiki,” deliver at least three bonkers action sequences. The first is essentially a ye olde version of the bank heist climax of “Fast Five,” the second involves Captain Jack narrowly escaping a guillotine (over and over again), and the third is a thoroughly entertaining chase between Captain Jack and a trio of ghost sharks.
Yes, “Dead Men Tell No Tales” has ghost sharks, and that counts for something.
As a relative fan of the first three “Pirates” movies, I’m stuck in the tricky space between the goodwill I’ve held for the franchise and the lengths Disney has taken to exploit that goodwill. The world didn’t need a fifth “Pirates” film, and, predictably, it only manages to be slightly better than the series’ low point. It’s lousy yet bafflingly watchable. It must be summer movie season.
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Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.