There's amazing, and then there's this

No.

There, let me get my answer in early — just in case there is some dispute after the fact.

To repeat...

No.

In fact, let me add a giggling, outright hilarious: “No!”

The question, to which I’m responding so forcefully, is actually pretty funny all by itself.

Does Usain Bolt, the fastest human being ever officially timed, get some kind of unfair advantage because one of his legs is slightly shorter than the other?

C’mon, stop laughing.

There are groups of scientists studying this issue of Bolt’s stride, spending what is probably taxpayers’ money to decide if the Jamaican superstar — who has one foot on the ground a zillionth of a second longer than the other — gets some kind of additional power by being, well...

Lopsided.

YEP, IT’S just plain goofy to consider that Bolt is...

What?

Fudging?

You run with what you’ve got, and unless it’s some kind of artificial jet pack attached up your backside, the issue is settled by when you cross the finish line.

Scientists can debate the matter of running with an even stride against stretching out with a bit of a tilt, but there are millions of athletes out there whose legs are not perfectly even.

And none of them, so far at least, have matched Bolt’s feat of winning the 100-meter and 200-meter dashes at three consecutive Olympic Games.

In fact, until Bolt did it, I might have suggested it was impossible.

Look, there will always be competitors looking for an edge – and some will cross the line directly into cheating with all manner of steroids, human growth hormones, blood storing and all the rest.

Likewise, sleazy characters will try to make a living with production of other substances to hide drug tests.

But we’re not talking about that.

The question is how fast Usain Bolt, unaided by anything physically or chemically, can run from Point A to Point B.

Frankly, anyone who has seen him do it tends to let out a little gasp – as though you’ve gotten your first view of the Northern Lights.

If we’re going to discuss athletes looking for some type of weird advantage, oh, they’re out there.

But please ignore the length of Bolt’s legs.

IF YOU want to howl out loud at someone actually cheating — and so far getting away with it — check out a video of San Diego Padres relief pitcher Carter Capps.

Capps is more or less defying Major League Baseball to find a rule that prevents his motion while delivering the ball.

First of all, Capps can throw somewhere in the velocity of 100 miles per hour just using a conventional motion.

But here’s the thing (and it’s why I suggested you check him out): Capps doesn’t just use the pitching rubber as leverage...

He treats it more like a launching pad.

Two years ago, when Capps pitched for Miami, he actually hurtled in one massive leap toward home plate — which meant that his already scary fastball wasn’t released until he was about four feet closer to home plate.

He didn’t let the ball go until he’d re-cocked his back foot after that hop.

Rather than pitching, Capps looked like a competitor in the Olympic triple jump.

WHEN various rules enthusiasts began searching for a way to halt Capps’ delivery (and that of fellow reliever Jordan Weldon), they decided that there was nothing prohibiting you from hurling yourself forward, but...

Your back leg had to stay in contact with the dirt, however minimally. It was called your “drag line.”

Capps has adjusted, though, and he now takes TWO hops to reach that same spot before releasing the ball — just barely touching, or barely missing, that precious drag line with his back foot.

Frankly, it looks like a classic attempt to break an ankle in several places, but hey, when Capps makes it work, he’s terrifying.

You’re right: Nobody cares about the Padres.

But it’ll be fun if Capps gets traded to a contender sometime this week.

Steve Cameron is a special assignment reporter for The Press, and he apologizes to Usain Bolt for including Carter Capps in the same opinion column. Reach Steve: scameron@cdapress.com.