MLP: A couple is two?

Your Mrs. Language Person, as usual, laments. This time, Dear Reader, ‘tis the abuse and misuse of that lovely word, “couple.” A couple of examples, if you please? Not a couple more. Or is it a couple of more?

First, while oft uttered when the speaker really means three or more, a “couple” means two; not five or four. Couple, you see, is just for two. Not some vague or indefinite substitute.

Now that meaning is clear, the good grammarian may turn to example two: couple’s lonely existence without preposition. Poor, lonely couple — so often left without an “of” to link its other half, the noun which “couple” hopes to modify. One word without the other, like any decoupling, is sadly incomplete.

Is this column finished, you hope? Not yet. Just a couple of paragraphs more.

Not “a couple paragraphs,” but a “couple of paragraphs.” That’s not so awkward, is it?

A tad more awkward is “a couple of more paragraphs,” or “a couple of too many paragraphs.” True enough, Dear Reader; touché.

Lest such ungainliness tempt that underappreciated preposition to slink away, note this easy fix. Oh, you noticed it above, you say? Well done; hooray! (Made you look.)

Simply switch the order, placing the quantifier after the subject noun. Say not, “A couple of more paragraphs,” and certainly never “a couple more paragraphs.” Opt instead for “a couple of paragraphs more” and “a couple of MLP columns too many.” There; now wasn’t that simple? Yes, one can stick to the rules of grammar without decoupling couples from their partnering prepositions. Bravo!

Unlike “couple,” less-specific quantifiers such as “few” and “a little” when used as adverbs, and not adjectives, do not need “of.” Hence one might identify as “a little religious,” or note that “few readers tolerate this MLP.”

Wait; don’t let even those indefinite, wee words rest on their limited laurels. If one partakes of “a little of the pizza” or “a few of those sandwiches,” well... There’s that needy “of” again. Just won’t let go, at least not when an article, possessive, or demonstrative is around (the, a, her, those, that).

When in doubt, grammar-lovers keep “of” safely coupled with her quantifiers.

Speaking of couples, a note from your peevish MLP. Couples, obviously, are two. So how then “is a couple?” Shouldn’t they be plural, and at minimum, consistent? Add to such sentences, and the absurdity of singular verbs for nouns with plural references becomes increasingly apparent. Are the couple having dinner in their home, or is the couple having dinner in its home? Can’t have it both ways; the couple certainly isn’t having dinner in their home with its children at their table.

Grammar should never so confuse.

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Mrs. Language Person and Sholeh Patrick are columnists for the Hagadone News Network who firmly believe that words with plural meanings (e.g., group, family, team) should be coupled with plural verbs. Disagree if you dare at Sholeh@cdapress.com.