Doing it all

It's a tough job to be a mom, and adding a job to that job can be difficult for the nearly 28,000 working single moms in Idaho.

According to a study released last week by WalletHub.com, a personal finance website, Idaho received an overall ranking of being the eighth-worst state in the country for working moms.

"I can believe that," said Tiffanie Espe of Coeur d'Alene, who has struggled between work and raising her 6-year-old son, Gideon, alone. "I probably couldn't have made it without some kind of assistance, especially in the beginning."

Espe said single mothers who work often have to put in extra hours just to pay for childcare, which leaves less time to spend with their children.

"I was lucky where I had a lot of family in the area," Espe said. "I had a lot of help, but a lot of people don't have that support system."

She said her job at Advanced Technology Survey and Engineering has been supportive and flexible as well, especially when Gideon was a baby. She said the state system in Idaho works to a point as far as helping single moms as long as they do the paperwork and keep up on it.

"But once you make a certain amount of money they say, 'nope, you make too much,'" Espe said. "But I still need a little help; I'm still living paycheck to paycheck. They almost encourage you not to work to get more help, which is frustrating."

She said she has worked since she was a teenager and "couldn't imagine" not having a job.

Melinda Cadwallader, of Coeur d'Alene, raised her daughter on her own. She worked as a hairdresser while raising her daughter and said a lot of moms work in service industry professions.

"That is really our nature as women, is nurturing and serving and we enjoy it," Cadwallader said. "You're working, you are loving on people all day long and making them beautiful, and then to come home and you have to keep going with your children — they can't have your leftovers."

Cadwallader said it is difficult to find that balance of work and home life. She said when single working moms don't feel fulfilled, they run on fumes.

"Unfortunately, sometimes when you work full time, your children do get the scraps of what's left over of you," she said.

Jessica Geiger, senior administrative assistant for the North Idaho College Children's Center, said she started working in daycare because of her daughter.

"Before I worked here I toured eight providers in the area for my daughter because I was no longer eligible for her to be here because I graduated, so then I quit my job to work here," Geiger said. "Sometimes as a single mom, if you can bring your child or your children for free that is the only way you’re making money, so that is your only option is to work in child care."

According to Childcare Aware of America there are 27,921 working, single mothers in Idaho and nearly 7 million in the United States. For a working mother with an infant, an average of 35 percent of the mother’s income goes to childcare in Idaho; it ranges from 24 to 63 percent across the country. As the children get older, the price of child care is lower.

What really hurt Idaho's ranking in the WalletHub study was not so much the cost as the quality of child care in the state. Counting D.C., Idaho came in at 51 — the worst state in the country for day care quality. WalletHub used statistics from Childcare Aware of America to determine the ranking for Idaho child care.

Geiger said compared to the rest of the state, Coeur d'Alene's quality of child care is "rising,” because the city has its own rules for providers.

"You can own and operate a center of your own choosing without even a GED in Idaho," Geiger said. " ... Idaho's requirements are so minimal that the cities can then designate requirements and recommendations, so Coeur d'Alene is actually doing better."

One of the child care benchmarks Idaho failed to meet was the requirement for inspection of child care centers four times per year, including visits by licensing, health and fire personnel. The NIC center is inspected annually by the fire department and Panhandle Health District, but only one visit per year by a health inspector is required in the state, Geiger said.

Espe said she "loved" ABCD Daycare in Coeur d'Alene, where her son went before starting school.

"They have structure; it's like a school," she said. "It totally prepares them for kindergarten, but there is not many of those. We need more state-funded places like that."

She said one downfall of highly desired day care centers like ABCD is they often have a long waiting list.

Espe said the biggest problem she has faced being a single mother in Idaho is the state's failure to enforce child support. She said she knows where Gideon's father is, although they have no contact, because the state requires her to keep track of him so she can keep her son on health insurance.

"So I have to continually try to find him," Espe said. "And they still can't go after him? I don't know what else I can do."

But even through the frustrating and trying times, Espe said seeing her son happy and healthy — the things money can't buy — makes it all worth it.

"My son was student of the month two months in a row, and just seeing him succeed and be successful already at such a young age is very rewarding," she said.

Cadwallader said she struggled most with loneliness. She said after getting home from work, doing daily chores like making dinner, then the kids go to bed. That would normally be when husbands and wives spend time together, watching movies and catching up on the day, but the single mom only has herself once the kids are asleep.

"It's a very lonely time, especially around Mother's Day," Cadwaller said. "I know how special it is to get a card that your kid’s teacher had them make for their mother, but they're definitely not the ones who are reserving a table at Beverly's for Mother's Day brunch."

Because she knows how it feels to be a single mom on Mother's Day, she offered to help at the Heart of the City Church by setting up a manicure station on Saturday during the annual Single Mom Outreach event. She said it is special to her personally and enjoys showing her support and giving back to the single moms in the community.

Caldwallader is now married and the daughter she raised is 16. She has two more children, ages 5 and 8. She said one of the most rewarding things for her was the fact that she had to be mom and dad to her daughter and later realized that she could do it all.

"It is possible to raise healthy, strong, independent, loving, compassionate children on your own," she said.