No whips for these chicks

I’ve never understood why bunnies symbolize Easter. We hide eggs, and we don’t eat rabbit, so why not the underrated Easter chicken? Chocolate roosters, anyone?

That’s not the only thing odd, illogical, or ironic about this season’s traditions:

Pascha: Easter’s historical, Jewish name — derived from Pesach, the Hebrew Passover.

Eastern etymology: “Eastre” in Old English developed around the ninth century; Eostur is a month of the Germanic year, and the name of a German pagan goddess.

Movable feast: The date ranges from late March to late April (May in Eastern Christianity), on the first Sunday after the first 14th day of the moon which follows the spring equinox (the Paschal Full Moon). Simple, right? It takes millennia for the full cycle of dates to repeat.

Eggs and such: Chocolate bunnies are American. In Britain they occasionally color eggs and more often exchange chocolate eggs. Traditional British Easter dinner is roast lamb with fruit cake. For Good Friday, it’s hot cross buns.

Dublin downhill: In Ireland some put a traveling twist on Easter eggs, rolling them down hills and chasing after them. Yes, I mean sober.

Boots and ski gloves: Skiing is a Scandinavian Easter tradition, but of the cross-country variety with an emphasis on communing with nature. OH… Not the “bunny hill.”

Whodunnit: In Norway, murder mysteries are a contemporary Easter tradition. Norwegians watch Agatha Christie movies and read puzzling stories in magazines.

Fish food: In Finland, Sweden and Denmark, traditional dinner is on Holy Saturday, with a menu of herring, salmon, eggs, and potatoes.

50 shades of what? The most bizarre tradition I found is Czech and Hungarian. In rather complicated traditions, men spank or lightly whip women, or alternatively douse ladies with water. Special willow whips called “pomlazka” are made to purpose. In some cases the women may retaliate; in others the spanker is showing his attraction to the woman, so she “thanks” him by giving him a colored egg.

Men, don’t get any ideas. What you get from an American woman certainly won’t be an egg.

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Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network who will avoid Slavic spring travels. Contact her at Sholeh@cdapress.com.