Idaho teen dating violence way too high
More than one in five.
Twenty-one percent of Idaho’s teenaged girls in 2015 reported being forced into sexual acts by a date during the past year, according to Safe Passage and Idaho’s coalition of domestic and interpersonal violence nonprofits. The actual figure is higher; some never report. Idaho’s rate of teen dating violence is 50 percent higher than the national average of 14 percent.
The 21 percent rate averages the same on college campuses, and worse than previously thought, according to a U.S. Department of Justice-funded Campus Climate Survey Validation Study. By the time American female undergrads reach their senior year, one in four have been sexually assaulted (the rate for undergraduate males was 7 percent). Regardless of gender, only 13 percent of rapes and 4 percent of other campus sexual assaults were reported to school officials; most coeds report only to friends.
That’s far too many liberties, and adult society is in a position to do something about it. One is creating a culture which guides youth from an early age to see sex not as relationship entitlement, but as privilege; not as something to be had, but something to be given — and only if desired by both. According to Loveisrespect.org, one survey found that while 82 percent of parents believed they could recognize the signs, less than half actually did.
One caveat: Don’t mistake an assumption. Twenty-one percent of girls are not forced by 21 percent of boys; the same aggressor tends to repeat such behavior against more than one victim. Boys may also be victims.
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.
We need more than mere power shift; we need a thinking shift. The idea that physical contact of any kind, even holding hands, is a mutually desired exchange. Only if and when ready, only if and when freely consented. To be reassessed mutually at each opportunity — past behavior not determining present, even in the same relationship. Regardless of age.
Anything less is subjugation. That should have ended with slavery.
Of the at least 1.5 million American high school students abused by social partners in 2015, according to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, only a third seek help. “Dating violence” is broader than sexual assault and includes the verbal, emotional, or physical abuse or controlling behavior of a partner — either one time or ongoing. Any of these, especially at such a tender age, can leave lifelong scars which if unaddressed lead to serious personal and societal problems. Victims are at higher risk of substance abuse and eating disorders, and are more likely to be ill-treated by future partners.
One mother of three teenagers, Keli Wilson, started “Alert ID” — a safety network and free App to share tips and resources. She offers the following dating violence warning signs; one or more may indicate partner abuse:
• Excuses and apologies for a partner’s behaviors
• Unexplained or suspect injuries, such as bruises or body pain
• Isolation from family and friends, in favor of partner
• Partner frequently texts or calls demanding reports on victim’s whereabouts and activities
• (Victim) is frequently upset or depressed, but unwilling to discuss it (this may also be a symptom of sexual assault).
Whether one event or many, harmful effects last longer than the relationship. Both in terms of prevention and healing, parents and other adults can help by:
* Being a good example: Displaying positive and healthy relationships will model what an appropriate and respectful relationship with a significant other looks like.
* Teaching teens to trust their judgment, once developed: Open conversation about dating violence in all forms prepares a child to know how to safely and properly avoid abusive relationships. This includes discussing characteristics of healthy and respectful relationships.
* Creating an open environment: Teens should know that they can come to adults, free of judgment and criticism, in times of need for support. Maintaining a neutral position may help teens open up about partners; listening, without immediately jumping to conclusions or expressing anxieties, helps encourage this.
More on this issue at Breakthecycle.org. For confidential, local help (dating and domestic violence) 24/7 call Safe Passage at (208) 664-9303. The National Dating Abuse Helpline offers support from peer advocates; text “loveis” to 22522 or call (866) 331-9474.
Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Email Sholeh@cdapress.com.