Dealing with loss during the holidays

After Carla Schauer's son Abe died at 13 due to a rare disease, she learned a way to help work through the painful emotions and thoughts.

"I'd actually go to the river and throw rocks or sticks in it due to the things that were eating at me," the Post Falls woman said. "Instead of going over things over and over in my head and reliving those, I'd let go of this by throwing things in the river."

Schauer said she found out about the technique through attending multiple Ceremonies of Remembrance and grief workshops organized through Lake City Church.

She knows the holidays can be difficult for many people, especially when they are grieving the loss of loved ones, so she hopes they will consider attending the free Ceremony of Remembrance at the church, 6000 Ramsey Road, Coeur d'Alene, on Saturday from 9:30 a.m. to noon.

"We've provided a place for people to remember loved ones," said Joanie Dwyer, grief and loss counselor for Lake City Church.

The ceremony includes brunch, an ornament, reading of the names of lost loved ones and guest speaker Janne Petrie.

Petrie is a Hospice chaplain, bereavement counselor, author and creator of the Grief Relief Workshop. People can sign up for the workshop at the Kroc Center or online through Lake City Church.

Schauer said through the ceremony and workshop, she learned she and her husband, Dave, grieve differently.

"I may be having a terrible day and he may be on a different place on his roller coaster," she said.

Knowing that has helped the couple on their journey dealing with the loss of Abe, who died in 2010 with Pelizaeus-Merzbacher Disease, a rare, degenerative central nervous system disorder.

"I have a passion for the ceremony and workshop and have invited people to go," Schauer said. "Each time I learn something different from them."

Dwyer described the free ceremony as a "safe place for everyone to come."

"It's really cool to hear the names," she said. "Names never die. It allows people a place to go where it's OK if everybody ends up in tears."

Dwyer said love and relationships never die.

"When you lose somebody, it becomes a relationship of memory," she said.

Dwyer said the biggest enemy that stops people from grieving is isolation.

"One of the reasons I avoided grieving for a long time is that I was afraid that I would be totally overwhelmed and couldn't stop crying," she said. "Most of us haven't been taught how to grieve in a healthy way."

Dwyer said people should learn how to identify their feelings and get comfortable with them.

"Feelings aren't right or wrong — they're just feelings," she said. "Label them and find healthy ways to process them."

Dwyer said journaling can be a great way to process feelings.

"The whole idea of grief relief is to release the loss and embrace the memories," she said.

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If you go

The free Ceremony of Remembrance is from 9:30 a.m. to noon Saturday at Lake City Church, 6000 Ramsey Road, Coeur d’Alene. Call 676-0632 to register or register online at lakecity.church/ceremony. Also, the five-week Grief Relief Workshop starts on Jan. 10 at the Kroc Center. It will be held from 1 to 3 p.m. on Tuesdays. Cost is $10, and scholarships are available for those who can’t afford it. Register at the Kroc Center or through Lake City Church.