Feeling empathy toward others
It is interesting how when life becomes serious, I relax. This past week, life got serious quickly. Friends struggling with life-ending decisions, children trying to understand why the people who supposedly love them continually hurt and abuse and coworkers attempting to make sense from a nonsensical world makes living in this world unbearable for some.
Offering kind words, platitudes and supportive hugs seldom change the plight of one truly struggling with emotional and physical pain. I suggest, truly listening to the sender of the sorrow will aid the giver in his or her path to understanding, acceptance or wellness.
Imagine telling a friend with terminal cancer, “Everything will be OK.”
Everything will not be OK! The receiver of the message might kindly nod and say, “You’re right, things will be OK,” when internally believing, “Leave me alone. You have no clue what I’m going through.”
When life becomes most uncomfortable, one must internally declare, “I need to make a difference, I need to help, I need to stay in the struggle.” When life becomes uncomfortable, one with solid character and a strong moral compass will help one in need.
Often an uncaring human might state,
“Hospitals make me uncomfortable.”
“I don’t know what to say when someone is sick.”
“It scares me when people are uncomfortable and struggling.”
Newsflash! It is not about you; it’s about the person struggling. Life feels like living when one allows oneself to feel uncomfortable. People who hide in a pool of apathy seldom feel alive — the highs and lows of emotional wellness. I suggest diving deeply into the pool of understanding and allowing oneself to truly understand how another is feeling — empathy.
Allowing one’s self to really be with a person in need takes a hero — one who is not afraid to acknowledge, “You’re hurting, I love you, I am here for you.”
Turn-over, take a deep breath, calm down, relax, eat, what’s wrong, how can I help? One in need is often questioned, directed and ordered with little concern for one’s own ideas, comfort or emotional safety.
One might ask, “Why do I relax when life gets serious?” The reason is the purpose. I relax because I listen. I listen because the one in need seldom has a person who truly listens to his or her needs, desires or wishes. I relax because I know, to help means I am present. I spend as much time listening, helping and supporting as the receiver needs.
I suggest one relaxes. Listen to one in need. Allow one struggling to talk out his or her feelings, emotions, struggles and fears. Be present. Relax and listen. One’s struggles are not about you. Offer a kind ear, patient heart and loving spirit for one struggling to be heard. Being relaxed, kind and present is a gift one can offer with no financial investment and huge emotional reward. Be kind!
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Send comments or other suggestions to William Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com or visit pensiveparenting.com.