MLP: Commas and Comma's sense
Despite your Mrs. Language Person’s positively proliferate pleadings, words are wretchedly whacked and hacked into baleful bits barely resembling the English of — one can only assume — their original intent.
Thus necessity drags her, sniveling and snarling, from her happy, hermit-like habitation to resume grammar’s noble cause. So please, Dear Reader, honor this supreme social sacrifice with your support for meticulous mechanics.
Like all punctuation, the comma’s raison d’etre (reason for being) is to clarify. Confusion’s way is cleared with the courageous comma.
“The convertible 2015 red and blue vehicles collided.”
Answer this: How many cars collided, and of what description? Multiples of the same model — 2015, two-color convertibles? Did four vehicles collide — a convertible, a 2015 model, a red, and a blue? Perhaps a 2015 red convertible collided with a blue truck. Without a comma, the reader remains in the dark.
“The 2015 convertible, red, and blue vehicles collided.” Understanding dawns with proper punctuation. Three vehicles. Thank you kindly.
Note that final comma in the series of three items — the Oxford comma. While sometimes omitted, it can be indispensable.
“The thieves, Maria and George were in court today.”
Shocking! Poor Maria and George, who have not so much as a parking ticket in their pasts. Easily avoid that libel lawsuit, Dear Reader. Separate each item before the last in a series with a comma, and they instantly transform from criminals to spectators:
“The thieves, Maria, and George were in court today.”
Commas also separate a series of adjectives describing the same noun (again, commas follow each item before the last). Thus, “MLP is a snitty, useless, old bitty.”
Commas follow introductory phrases and clauses, saving lives as well as reputations.
“Let’s eat Grandma.” No! She can’t be that bad.
“Let’s eat, Grandma.” Grandma thus lives another day.
The need for a comma is less obvious when it simply serves to segregate parts of a long sentence such as this one, or when a semicolon is not appropriate.
As with this sentence, a comma simply provides pause where one might stop while speaking, or to break up separate ideas (clauses).
“I am quickly growing tired of this lugubrious lament, and I wish this Mrs. Whatsit would call it to an end.”
Necessary, that comma? No. But helpful in its respite. A nice little break for breath. However, should one remove the “and,” punctuation becomes necessary. In this example, a semicolon will do, because each half of the sentence could exist independently as a proper sentence:
“I am quickly growing tired of this lugubrious lament; I wish this Mrs. Whatsit would call it to an end.”
“I am quickly growing tired of this lugubrious lament.”
“I wish this Mrs. Whatsit would call it to an end.”
Remove a few more words, and one half becomes dependent on the other. In such a case, a comma, rather than a semicolon, is correct.
“With this lugubrious lament, I wish this Mrs. Whatsit would call it to an end.”
With this lugubrious lament. Few would argue those four words make a sentence. They are dependent on the clause which follows the punctuation. Therefore, a comma, and not a semicolon, must follow them. An easy hint for clauses is this: If it can’t stand alone as a sentence, it needs a comma. If it can — if the clauses are independent, a semicolon is correct.
Commas are also proper in phrases used to address others, or to call attention:
“Well, isn’t that MLP punctilious!”
“Just go crawl under a rock, if you please.”
“I’d be most happy to, Dear Reader.”
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Mrs. Language Person and Sholeh Patrick are eremitic logophiles with the Hagadone News Network who long for the days when the average English-speaker cared to use it correctly. Commiseration and correction welcome at Sholeh@cdapress.com.