Not all liars are created equal

Most people encounter at least one pathological liar in life. You know the type - lies easily, often, without apparent remorse, using deception to consciously manipulate and control the actions of others. They tend to be charmers, too, thus not easily detected before the damage is done - damage made worse when by a family member or central figure. Dishonesty always creates problems, but not all lies, nor liars, are created equal.

The bad news is the majority of people, while believing themselves honest, lie so routinely that they and their listeners hardly notice. However, researchers tell us most lies are the "little" kind; and in the case of women, more often white lies, i.e., meant for the listener's benefit rather than their own. One study suggests that one type of lie may be considered less untruth than it is goal-setting, at least under certain circumstances.

University of Massachusetts psychology professor Robert Feldman, author of "The Liar in Your Life," has studied lying for more than 30 years. In one study published in the June 2002 Journal of Basic and Applied Social Psychology, he found that 60 percent of people can't get through a 10-minute conversation without lying at least twice, most often to appear more competent or likeable. Most people who did lie didn't think they did, only realizing it when viewing video playback.

While men and women lie with the same average frequency, they lie for different reasons. Most men's lies are meant to make themselves look better; most women's lies are meant to make others look or feel better, noted Feldman.

Back to goal-setting, a 2008 University of Southampton (U.K.) study reported in the New York Times revealed that students who lie about their GPA tend to do so without the physical anxiety and remorse usually associated with lying. The motives driving academic exaggeration, said researchers studying bodily responses, are "intrapsychic" and intrapersonal (all about self) rather than interpersonal (about communicating with others). This led to the conclusion that inflating academic achievement in general conversation reflects personal goals for the future more than conscious intent to deceive.

By age 4, 90 percent of children have begun the deceptive habit, at least with parents. Even when their kids reach adulthood, 86 percent of parents are lied to by their children, according to Feldman's research. Three-quarters of us lie to our friends and siblings, and 69 percent to spouses. A study of American and British users of online dating service Beautifulpeople.com found that 53 percent admitted lying on their profiles (with 10 percent more Americans than British lying); however, that number may be higher. A similar Cornell University study reported in 2012 found that 80 percent of online dating profiles are at least partly false, and an article in the February 2007 issue of Scientific American put it at 90 percent. The most common subject for women was weight and physical characteristics, and for men, earnings and education.

No falsehood is immune from potential damage; we all know that's a lie. Yet these "everyday" liars are not the same as pathological liars, who are more harmful, brazen and more likely to freely admit falsehoods, but with less concern for their effects. A fascinating 2009 University of Southern California study found the first proof of structural brain abnormalities in people who habitually lie, cheat, and manipulate others. Looking at an MRI scan while a person is lying shows activity in the prefrontal cortex - the brain's moral decision, judgment, and remorse center.

The pathological liars' MRIs had a surplus of "white matter" and a deficit of "gray matter" by comparison to normal people while lying. More white matter, said the researchers, gives pathological liars better tools to master the complexities of deceit - analyzing the other person, suppressing and controlling one's own emotions and behavior, appearing calm and sincere. In normal people, more gray matter also keeps the impulse to lie in check. So they have that dangerous mix of more tools for deception, yet fewer restraints which inhibit the rest of us.

Next time: How to tell if someone is lying.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network who considers honesty inextricably linked with compassion. She can be reached at Sholeh@cdapress.com.