Do you labor over what's 'success?'

Labor Day's history is rooted in appreciation of hard work, recognition and a day off as reward for contributions of American laborers to the success of society. What defines success to the individual is not simple to measure; beyond advice seminars and self-help gurus, how it looks is different for each of us. Must one be the boss or is success "merely" drawing a salary? Perspective dictates whether one person draws pride in earning the means to feed, clothe, house self and family, or another is dissatisfied at the lack of a higher title or bigger paycheck.

Success is whatever we make of it.

Which brings to mind a key mental barrier to success - comparisons and jealousies. Success is elusive when we give into temptation to define it not by what we have achieved (starting with a sufficient salary to cover living expenses, working for a reputable company, doing public good), but by what someone else has. Comparing to others is a terrible habit guaranteed to bring misery, whether personal or professional. This is made more true because most of us tend to overestimate others' happiness or achievements, without walking in their shoes to know the full truth of another life.

No one else matters when judging our own successes. In this way, success might be defined as meeting our own goals independent of others' actions. Even "small" or incremental goals can give feelings of satisfaction, joy, and confidence. This feeling is success.

Sometimes it's not others we try hardest to keep up with, but rather our own estimations of where we should or should not be in life. By 40 I should have; at my age I should be; by now my life should look like... "Shoulds" get in the way of core "wants," sometimes masking true, and very different, desires and a life which more comfortably fits the individual. So what if things don't look how we thought they would, or how we think others may expect? These "shoulds" are big barriers to feelings of success, especially when they push aside what is truer to one's nature or better aligned with personal characteristics.

Another mental barrier is connecting particular goals to future happiness. "If I get that promotion (thing, job, money) I'll be happy." True happiness does not depend upon outside factors, but comes from increased stability within; thus hanging our happiness hats on outside factors will eventually disappoint, even if we get what we asked for. This leads to a chain of dissatisfaction and disillusionment, a feeling we have not been successful or need more to fill a void.

One way to address this is to practice gratitude; the simple habit of finding gratitude in what we have now, of at least one thing, occurrence, or person in each day or life events, can transform feelings to a happy state, at least for a while. Even as we continue to pursue goals, increase this habit of finding excuses to feel grateful and the positive feeling lasts longer, leading to a general habit of happiness. That way no matter what happens, without tying happiness to expectations disappointment can not rule. This, in a way, is also success.

Perhaps then success is as much mental as action-oriented habit, not merely a crossing off of items on a list, but of cultivating happiness from the fruits of every day's labor - labor not only at work, but labors within.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at Sholeh@cdapress.com.