The 27th year of life

Is there a time in one's life when one so drastically changes that it feels like a rebirth, a do-over, the beginning of a new life?

Can there be a directional life compass which, if set in the right direction leads to a purposeful life or if set askew, leads to a life of struggle and despair? The midlife crisis, reserved for the 50-something crowd is a time of introspection at life's midpoint. What about the beginning of adulthood? I believe for some, this awareness happens in the 27th year of life.

"He was born in the summer of his 27th year," writes John Denver in his 1973 folk-rock classic, "Rocky Mountain High." John Mayer sings, "But all I feel's alone, it might be a quarter-life crisis or just a stirring in my soul."

Mayer and Denver's songs identify the struggle many 20-somethings battle trying to discover internal feelings of unrest. During this feeling of unrest many make sizable life-changes which result in bettering one's life while some struggle to the level of dysfunction or destruction.

Many young musicians struggle with self-destructive behavior resulting in their early departure from this life at the age of 27. The lengthy list includes Amy Winehouse, blues musician Robert Johnson, Rolling Stones founder Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Alan Wilson of Canned Heat, Ron "Pigpen" McKernan of The Grateful Dead, Pete Ham of Bad Finger and rappers Stretch, Fat Pat and Freaky Tah; all dead at 27 years old.

Reading the list of musicians whose life ended in their 27th year draws my attention back to the reason for this statistical oddity. Can one make sense of this tragic reminder of the war many young adults battle trying to make sense of life in their late 20s? Might there be a psychologically developmental explanation for this mathematical spike in musician's death at 27 or is the phenomenon purely coincidental?

In my private practice I often ask clients struggling with life as 30, 40, 50 or 60-year-olds to describe their life when they were 27. Often, the client recounts a time of frustration, helplessness, destructive behavior and apathy. When asking successful clients in their 50s the same question they often smile and talk of gaining power in their life or making major life-choices that lay the path for present success - a successful life is purposeful.

I distinctly remember my 27th year. My life was not out of control or purposeless. My life was static. I began feeling uneasy and restless and began to ask myself big world questions. "What do I want out of my life? What can I do to become a whole person? What changes might I make today to make life better as I age?" In this moment of quarter-life clarity I decide three things:

* I do not want to sit on my deathbed as an old man and say, "I wish I would have..."

* Most things I desire in life take time to achieve but I will never achieve what I want unless I start the journey.

* Do the right thing! The Spike Lee movie by the same name was released the year prior to my rebirth. I became internally moved by the premise to do the right thing. This is the first time in my short life that I realize doing right is my choice, based on my beliefs, morals and ethics. I learn, through my 27 years on this planet, the control to do what is right for me.

Renowned psychologist Erik Erickson believes that personality develops through a series of psychosocial stages that every person passes through during their lifetime. In each of these stages humans experience conflict that serves as a turning point in development. If the person resolves the psychological conflict, one finds quality in that stage of life and achieves personal growth. If the person fails to resolve the psychological conflict, one struggles in the stage and has the potential for failure.

Erickson's psychological struggle for a person in his or her late 20s is the battle between intimacy and isolation. Developing close, committed relationships creates intimacy and without these relationships, a person becomes isolated. In-order for a person to have the foundation to commit to others, the person must first have a strong sense of self. An individual with a weak sense of self tends to suffer emotional isolation, loneliness and depression.

During this struggle to belong, be loved, create nurturing relationships and form an identity, a person does one of three things:

* Focus on becoming whole by purposefully directing his or her life

* Attempt to grab all life has to offer by living for the moment

* Choose to do nothing at all - apathy

Choosing to purposefully direct one's life sets life's compass for future growth and success. Always living for the moment often neglects relationship-building and forms a false identity impossible to maintain throughout one's life. Also, living for the moment and negating delayed gratification creates situations, which tend to shorten one's lifespan leading to the early death of many creative, fast-living thrill-takers. Making a choice to do nothing is stagnation.

What happens to a person who misses the opportunity to choose a purposeful life in his or her mid-20s? It is seldom too late to make positive changes in a person's life but change takes work. If one accepts apathy and becomes stagnate in his or her 20s, one might take another internal inventory once stagnation and apathy lead to frustration and despair. This internal battle continues throughout one's life until one caves in and accepts failure or becomes so frustrated and desperate, that one commits to positive change.

To create a purposeful life, I suggest taking an internal inventory. Ask yourself the following questions, write down your answers and place them on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror and look at your responses daily. If your answers are positive; celebrate! If your answers cause you consternation; vow to take control of your future.

Is my life important? Do I have positive, nurturing relationships? Is my professional life what I wish it to be? Is my behavior self-destructive or self-defeating? How often a day do I laugh? Do people respect and admire me or do people fear and avoid me? When I picture myself on my last day of life on this Earth, will I be able to say, "I lived a good life?"

Send comments or other suggestions to William Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com or visit pensiveparenting.com.