Coping with life and death
As I struggle with my life journey, attempting to make the most of my few years on this planet, I ponder.
I think of those important to me who die before their time. I think of my parents who die too young of self-destructive illnesses from smoking cigarettes and loving butter. I also struggle with friends who lead healthy lives and are attacked by nefarious illnesses and disease after doing everything right to live a healthy, long life.
Our bodies are fragile and our minds corrupt. When someone we love dies, we often condemn the disease, doctors, DNA or God. Years later our brain allows us to accept the death as a celebration of life.
Those who emotionally praise while building up our psyche aid in our positive outlook on life. Those who condemn and challenge our character leave self-doubt and consternation. I suggest surrounding oneself with those who lift our character and dismiss those who pleasure in diminishing our self-worth.
My friend posted the below passage on social media while pensively attempting to understand the death of a friend. I think he got it right. Please read, think, ponder and accept that everyone who bumps against us in life leaves a lasting mark on our body and psyche — for good and bad.
A friend died last week. I hadn’t seen Kimber in 40 years, and she passed away after a long illness, so it wasn’t unexpected. I wanted to post a comment that was light, clever and humorous to lighten the mood but, while gathering my thoughts, I reevaluated my motives. I’m more than a little scared by all this, so why would I make light of that? My own mortality is looking me in the eye, and I just blinked. Kimber deserves better.
Memories of my youth are a mixed bag. A dysfunctional family left me starving to be nurtured. Hidden insecurities and an incredibility steep learning curve in social situations still make me solitude in crowds. Many memories would be better left behind, but they continue to pursue me.
In contrast, though, are fond memories of friends. Those late teen years are so fragile and yet so informative. A kid can be built up or broken down by the friends he or she chooses. I was one of the lucky ones.
We had a nucleus of 10-12 kids that hung out, going to parties, attended school functions and dances or, just finding time to be together. Kim was a vital part of that group. It seems that we were an equal number of boys and girls, but very few of us were ever a couple, and even then, it was a short lived romance. Our group meshed together in an inevitable way that I have since ever experienced within my own family.
Looking back, I am proud to have been counted among their number. We have all grown up to be compassionate, sincere adults with integrity. Forty years later, I am proud to once again call them my friends in this social media. Those fond memories, with the depth of time, have become richer and valuable like fine wine or fine wood.
Now, for the first time, there is a stain in that wood. I didn’t see that coming. Herein, when I think back to that time and events, they will be enveloped in a cloud of sadness. This is not the only cloud either. It is just the first, and I will eventually become accustomed to it.
That saddens me too. So, for those of you who remember those days and are still around, I love you guys. You were just what I needed when I needed it most. As you post your news, I will celebrate your successes and mourn your losses but, I’ll do so quietly.
And Kimber, have a safe journey. We’ll see you when we get there.
Send comments or other suggestions to William Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com or visit pensiveparenting.com.