'Kado go too?'

COEUR d'ALENE — Whether it's bedtime or an illness, there is nothing more comforting to children than being embraced by a parent.

But providing that comfort is impossible for Coeur d'Alene residents Dave and Brooke Miller, whose 6-year-old son, Kado, is stuck in a foster home in Kinshasa, the capital city of Congo.

The Miller family is one of 400 in the United States, and more than 1,000 worldwide, attempting to bring their legally adopted children home from Congo. On Sept. 25, 2013, Congolese President Joseph Kabila banned all exit visas from the country for all adoptions on or before that date — leaving thousands of former orphans in limbo, continents away from loving arms.

"My son is 8,000 miles away and I can't reach through the screen and touch him," Dave said. "Kids just want that reassurance and want the last thing they see before they go to bed to be their parents. Knowing that, as a parent, I can't give that to him...that's not a very good feeling."

Adoption was always a part of the plan for the former high-school sweethearts. Brooke told The Press Thursday that, as soon as the couple began discussing marriage, they thought about having a couple biological children before adopting a couple more.

After having two daughters, the couple began looking into the adoption process without being too concerned whether it was a domestic or international one. Brooke said the $25,000 price tag required them to wait, until a girl from India she used to babysit contacted them and said she would like the Millers to adopt her son.

Cason, now 9, joined the family in 2006 and, after a few years and a surprise pregnancy that brought another daughter into the family, the Millers decided to look into international adoption.

"We had a few friends who had adopted," Brooke said. "What we learned is that a lot of them that don't get adopted end up dying. It's kind of not only adopting, but saving the life of a child as well."

Dave added that the couple knew they wanted to adopt a boy with darker skin so Cason could have a brother that looked similar to him in a predominately white region. They began their search in Ethiopia, but were taken to Congo when Brooke was browsing an adoption website in March of 2013.

"She sees these two little boys, both 3, and the first one was Kado," Dave said. "I called the number on the website at 10 p.m. and the next morning I had a call on my phone asking me if we were serious about it."

They communicated that they were, which was a relief to the woman on the other end of the conversation. She told the Millers that she had just returned from Congo, had even held Kado in her arms, and that the boy, who was found wandering a market with other orphans, needed a home.

"Adoptions were happening quickly then, only seven or eight months, and we were definitely thinking that everything would be done and he would be home by Christmas," Brooke said.

All the paperwork was completed and every document was in order that legally made Kado, Kado Miller. But then the Millers got word from the U.S. State Department about the ban.

"First they (the Congolese government) said it was because they don't believe in homosexuality or homosexual adoption," Dave said. "Then they said that people are coming and making the kids slaves or doing child porn with them. These are all excuses. You've got 1.5 million orphans in this city and they're dying."

Dave added that the family thought they would get Kado soon, a year at most according to the Congolese government, and decided he would travel to see his son for a week in January of 2014. Getting off the plane in Kinshasa, and seeing armed-military personal everywhere, was a culture shock, he said.

He was driven to a secure compound with 8-foot high walls, covered in razor wire at the top, with several other families. The next day, a small van arrived carrying Kado, and the other adopted children waiting to go home.

Kado was the first off the van and had never seen a white man before. Dave said the child was reluctant to hug him, and he did his best to maintain his composure despite the flood of emotions.

"Fifteen minutes later, there weren't any barriers," Dave said. "It was awesome. They had a pool there, and it was basically like playtime for a week. I realized that this is a kid who wants to be loved and I think he could genuinely tell that I love him and care for him."

During the trip Dave visited the orphanage Kado stayed in for three months before he was adopted and the Millers paid to place him in foster care. Leaving the capital city, driving on roads that Dave said looked as though they were plowed to cut through a city dump, and seeing the conditions at Calk Orphanage, left Dave stunned.

"I got in there and looked around and I had to leave and go to a corner," he said. "I was just sobbing because I didn't want my kid in this kind of environment for even five minutes."

Even though the ban was for a year, the adoption agency told the Millers that the Congolese government regularly made similar bans that were undone in a fraction of the time. So, when Dave left Kado to return to Coeur d'Alene, he promised the boy that "Papa is going to come back soon and take you on an airplane and we're going home."

However the ban wasn't lifted. In August, Brooke and Dave decided that they, and their oldest daughter Baylie, would go see Kado to prepare the boy for his transition to America. Seeing her son for the first time in person at the same compound was an emotional moment, Brooke said.

"They were telling him I was his mom and Baylie was his sister," she said. "He just gave us big hugs and seeing him and holding him just created an immediate bond. There was immediately love and tenderness there."

The family spent time reading books to Kado, snuggling, and learning what the boy liked to eat. Brooke said Kado formed a strong bond with his older sister along the way, and they were all hopeful they'd have him back in the Lake City the next month.

"When we had to leave, I told him Papa had to go on an airplane," Dave said through tears.

"He had learned enough English to say 'Kado go too?'" Brooke said.

The ban wasn't lifted, and it's been more than a year since the Millers have seen Kado in person. Baylie, who Brooke said Kado loved, has gained a lot of perspective on the world from the experience.

"They just had the best time and it's been such a hard year for her since that," Brooke said. "It's so hard to understand and explain to our kids that basically President Kabela has not said it's OK. That's literally what it boils down to."

A dozen adopted children have died while waiting to be allowed to go to their homes. The Millers, Brooke said, live day-to-day just trying to get through all of the emotions the distance brings.

"What does he think? Does he feel like he was rejected again? We finally started getting to Skype with him on an iPad they got at the home," Brooke said. "They figured out how to Skype all the families so that's been amazing. We show him our dog and cool toys he'll get to play with — he loves superheroes."

There's a new Congolese ambassador to the United States, Dave said, who recently was in America and said the issue would be resolved before the first of the year. Unfortunately, he added, it's a tune his family has heard before and there's a very real fear that new adoption laws, set to go into effect in Congo soon, will nullify the adoption documents.

"We have to also face the possibility that we could just be supporting our child for a long period of time over there," he added. "We're not giving up because he's our child."

The Millers encouraged residents to contact their national legislators and demand action for the 400 American families without their children. Words of encouragement and raising awareness are also appreciated, they added.

Proceeds from this Sunday's Hope 4.5K Run in Hayden will help the Millers, as well as another local family in a similar situation. Costs associated with Kado's adoption, and keeping the boy cared for at a foster home in Congo, have risen above $50,000 and the Millers said anything helps. For more information on the race, visit www.hope45k.com.