Much needed relief

Husband of Alzheimer’s patient discusses caregiver stress

DALTON GARDENS — Just about every piece of furniture in Jim Hoogland Jr.'s house is a hand-crafted creation or an antique that he refinished.

Every table, every lamp, every cabinet has a story, and many of his stories lead back to something he worked on. His colorful stained-glass pieces hang in the windows. A mosaic glass gazing ball and mosaic vases are sprinkled throughout his warm Dalton Gardens home, where the ticking of antique clocks can be faintly heard in the quiet of the evening.

Colorful quilts made by him and his wife of 54 years, Sharon, are neatly folded or draped on sofas, chairs and beds. Jim is a plucky 84-year-old, not afraid to hug guests even if it’s the first time they walk through his door. But behind his glasses are eyes that reveal years of wear and a heart that has been broken by Alzheimer’s.

Sharon was diagnosed about seven years ago. Although he is not the patient, his life as an Alzheimer’s caregiver has taken an emotional toll. His house is quiet because Sharon is now in full-time care, a decision that Jim just couldn’t escape.

“It’s just devastating, it’s absolutely devastating when you sit down and look at it," he said. "It’s not an easy situation.”

Jim said the early signs of Sharon's dementia began about 20 years ago.

“I never noticed,” he said. “But then names, the grandsons … she’d call T.J. ‘Travis’ and Travis ‘T.J.’ And you catch other little things that come up … that’s when we started to notice.”

He said she wasn't too happy when he decided to take her to get tested.

“I never got such a cussing in all my life from her,” he said. “I said, ‘Just do the best that you can, that’s all I’m asking.’ It was tough.”

It was difficult to adjust to their new challenges. He had to constantly be with her

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or rely on the neighbors to watch her for a little while so he could run errands and do projects around the house. She ran away from him once, which gave him a scare. She wandered into a motel lobby at 4 a.m. when they were on a fishing trip. He didn't have his hearing aids in so he didn't hear her go out the door. She was looking for the bathroom and got lost.

"I just about came unglued when I woke up at 4 o’clock and found her," he said. "I says, ‘What are you doing down here?’ and she said, ‘Nothing.’ I said, ‘'You get back to bed.’”

Sitting at his kitchen table, Jim recounted these incidents, his voice sometimes rough but his attitude never deflating. He explained the precautions he had to take once Sharon's condition worsened. He got her an identification necklace and placed noisemakers and special locks on the doors of their home. “I have all those facilities available," he said. "But I don’t do it anymore because she’s not here.”

Caring for her became too much for him. He had no time to himself. He was exhausted. He couldn't rely on the neighbors for help anymore and he just needed a break. He went to an Alzheimer's meeting earlier this year and, with the help of the Area Agency on Aging, discovered the Senior Care Program at Kootenai Health's McGrane Center for Rehabilitation and Therapeutic Care. It was just what he needed.

“You get a little bit of relief,” he said of the McGrane Center. “I could leave her for four hours. I have this acre out here to take care of. I didn’t have any time for doing that.

“It’s a senior daycare center, even for someone who doesn’t have Alzheimer’s. It’s babysitting, that’s what it amounts to.”

The Senior Care Program provides care for seniors and gives family members and caregivers respite from their demanding lives. It offers activities, from crafts to exercise, and is open from 6:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. It costs $8.50 per hour or $68 per day.

“It would be a lot better to keep your loved one at home and pay $748 than it would be to put them in a care facility and pay $4,000,” Jim said.

Jim said he is extremely impressed with the employees at the McGrane Center and how loving and welcoming they are. He took Sharon there for just over two months until he decided on full-time care in July, but he was so pleased with the ladies at the center that he has made them some of his glass creations as tokens of his gratitude. And he still visits and enjoys endless hugs and sometimes dances with the ladies.

“It’s good for me,” he said. “It’s really helped me. It really helps.”

Jim said caregivers really need to notice how they are treated at a facility before making a long-term commitment for their loved ones. Sharon is now in Guardian Angel Homes in Post Falls, where Jim is very pleased with how the employees and administrators care for her. He has also made vases and other gifts for the employees there to thank them for their kindness.

“The good Lord gave me this, He gave me the gift of using my hands and so I’m going to make it the best use I can,” he said.

Jim wants other Alzheimer's caregivers to know that help is out there. He utilized Lake City Center's Meals on Wheels program in January, which "was a great boost in my life," when he had a surgery and didn't know how he was going to feed his wife. The Area Agency on Aging helped him with grants to pay for the Senior Care Program.

“When you get a grant, have it paid directly to the care facility where your spouse or loved one is going to be at,” he said. “If you put the money into your account, you pay taxes on it. If you send the money directly to them, there’s no tax and they will bill the Area Agency directly, which is good to know.”

And the Alzheimer's Association's caregiver support groups have helped him get through this. He knows he has support as he faces Sharon's inevitable decline.

“She doesn’t know me or my name,” he said. “She says, ‘I like you,’ and I say, ‘I like you too.’ We talk back and forth that way. Sometimes she makes sense, sometimes she doesn’t make sense. I have to take it with a grain of salt. It hurts, but I’ll get through it. I did it before.”

He keeps his chin up knowing she's safe, and he always has a craft to work on. And now that she's in full-time care, he can rest a little easier as he focuses on what he needs to do.

“It took me four years to find out about the support groups and things,” he said. “My support was I’d ask the neighbor to come sit with my wife or take my wife over to the neighbor. That’s not a support group.

"There’s all these support groups,” he said. “Utilize them as best you can.”

Participants in the Senior Care Program must be pre-approved and registered. A physician's waiver for participation in the program is also required. For scheduling and cancellations, call 625-5353.

For information about the Alzheimer's Association's caregiver support groups, call 666-2996 or visit www.alz.org/alzwa/. The Area Agency on Aging of North Idaho: www.aaani.org or 667-3179. Meals on Wheels: www.lakecitycenter.org or 667-4628.