I notice you

I validate you. You are important. You make a difference. You have been noticed.

These sentiments I offer when someone drives by me in a lifted four-wheel drive truck painted brightly with the bass speaker thumping loudly on the stereo. I acknowledge you.

The same sentiment is offered when a mother proclaims loudly in the grocery store while ensuring shoppers are listening, "Good little girl. Now how old are you? Only 2? What a smart little girl. Now how do you spell spaghetti? You are amazing. We will spell more words when we get home. What a bright little girl." Thank you, loud-speaking mother for sharing your brilliant little girl with the world. I notice you.

I offer validation for the teenager in the park who yells loudly, "I'm a chicken," as I walk by, looking for a response.

"I validate your existence," I offer and the teenager stops in his tracks, unsure how to respond.

"But I'm a chicken," he states flapping his arms as if they are wings and circles around me.

"OK; I notice you. Isn't that what you want? Yes, you are important!"

I continue my walk down Centennial Trail as the shirtless, 16-year-old chicken-boy stands bewildered in the middle of the trail behind me. What else is he expecting? I could explode and yell at him to leave me alone. I could be fearful and walk quickly past him without making eye contact. I could turn and run in the opposite direction but why? This teen simply wants me to notice him, which I do. I acknowledge his existence. My work is done. He is important.

Most people wish to be noticed for simply existing - existentialism. Existentialism is a term applied to the work of certain philosophers who share the belief that philosophical thinking begins with the human subject - not merely the thinking subject, but the acting, feeling, living human individual.

In existentialism, the individual's starting point is characterized by what has been called "the existential attitude," or a sense of disorientation and confusion in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd world.

Sren Kierkegaard is considered to be the first existentialist philosopher. He proposes that each individual - not society or religion - is solely responsible for giving meaning to life and living it passionately and sincerely - authentically.

Living an authentic life can be difficult and confusing. Some exhibit this need to be noticed humbly by doing authentic work expecting little in return while others exhibit this need publicly for all to see. Some create public work to be passed down through generations such as writing books, acting in movies, running for public office or creating art while others fire a gun into a crowded movie theater or elementary school, by buying fancy cars, getting tattoos, piercings or exhibiting socially unacceptable norms. The continuum of an individual displaying existentialism is broad.

I wish to live an important life, a life with meaning. To accomplish this, I don't need others to notice me. I can have a meaningful life by raising great kids to continue my legacy. I can write important work helping others improve their lives and I can help those who I meet daily reach their full potential.

By having a positive effect on the people I rub-up against in this world, I make a difference. My existence has meaning. I don't need to act ridiculous, brag about my accomplishments or purchase shiny and expensive things. What I do validates my existence, not what I have.

Send comments or other suggestions to William Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com or visit pensiveparenting.com.