It's true: Happy wife, happy life

It's too bad a man isn't writing this. As a woman and a wife, I can't claim lack of bias. But rest assured it's a positive one; this columnist is a happy wife.

With that caveat out of the way, today's topic puts science firmly behind the maxim, "happy wife, happy life." A new study from Rutgers University found that the happier is the wife in a long-term marriage, the happier the husband, regardless of how he feels about the marriage overall. Is this because a man's happiness is somehow less valuable than a woman's?

Not at all. The phenomenon apparently follows an investment theory. Women, suggest the researchers, tend to do more for their husbands when they are happy - and let's face it: Men like to be taken care of in all those little ways. They claim not to want to be fussed over, but we know that's bunk.

Back to the study published in this month's Journal of Marriage of Family. Building upon earlier studies, including several linking happy partnerships to lower rates of cardiovascular disease and better health for both partners, the Rutgers researchers studied nearly 400 couples and included data regarding income, disabilities, and other factors before reaching their conclusions.

In each couple whose feelings of life satisfaction were measured during a period of years, at least one was age 60 or more. While the marriage lengths varied somewhat, the average duration was 39 years. Of course better ratings on both sides correlated with higher feelings of happiness in life.

Wives satisfied with their marriages had happier husbands. While the reverse wasn't equally true, it was interesting to note that husbands also tended to rate their marriages higher than did their wives.

That apparently doesn't change for men when their wives get sick. Wives reported being less happy if their spouses became sick, but the husbands' levels of happiness did not generally change if their wives became ill. Researchers speculated this is at least in part because women tend to be caregivers, thus taking on more stress. If a husband is sick his wife is usually the primary caregiver; however when wives get sick, the caregiver is more often a daughter or other female.

Note this study focused on long-term marriage. Apparently, when it comes to predicting a happy marriage, fewer romantic experiences can be better than more. Results of another Denver University study released this month, part of the National Marriage Project which publishes reports on marriage-related studies, suggest that the higher the number of romantic relationships prior to marriage, the less likely that person is to be happily married.

This study recruited 1,000 unmarried people aged 18 to 34 who were tracked for five years (through 2013). Of the 413 who married, and regardless of income, ethnicity, religion, or education, those who dated, and whose partners dated, fewer people before marriage reported having a higher quality of marriage.

The DU researchers speculated this may be because more past partners leads to a higher likelihood of comparing and contrasting, or perhaps less commitment - a feeling that there is "something better out there." Sometimes a string of relationships may indicate a personal problem which makes sustaining them more difficult. Another and perhaps more common possibility is simply negative feelings toward romance coupled with more insecurities, based on prior negative experiences and unresolved pain.

If there is a theme to draw from these studies, it is heightened focus. Wedding ceremonies serve as a reminder of the far-reaching importance of a stable, supportive relationship at the center of family life - no matter how "family" is defined and may be redefined throughout the changes of a lifetime. That's worth careful thought and sustained reinvestment.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at sholeh@cdapress.com.