Telling the truth is better than lying: Part II
Last week, I offered suggestions and ideas to help create truth-tellers out of child liars. Below are a few of my suggestions.
* Always remain consistent when punishing a child - never negotiate less punishment. If you tell your child he is grounded from the television for a week for lying to you, ensure the child is grounded for exactly the time you promised. This models truth-telling for your kid.
* Teach children that telling the truth feels better than lying. When you know your child is about to tell a whopper, start the conversation by telling your child that if he lies, the punishment will double.
* After punishing a child for lying, talk about the feeling of telling a lie. Tell the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," or share an experience of yours where you felt horrible for lying.
* Talk with your child about your emotion when your kid lies to you - your disappointment, anger, frustration and lack of trust.
* After a child is caught lying and punished, check on everything the child does. If you ask the kid to clean her room, check to make sure she does. Don't allow your child to do things that require trust - play in the front yard, visit a neighbor, have a cell phone or have a sleep-over.
Twenty-eight readers responded to my article with insightful ideas, thoughts and frustrations about my observations. Most believe my focus is blurry. I focused on children in this column when many readers believe the culprit to this dishonest world are adults. I wish to offer an email exchange from a reader who states better than I can, what is wrong with this world.
From Dave
It was a good article you wrote about kids lying. You didn't mention another way they learn: from us adults. Since I was a little kid 'till now, I remember adults telling lies for personal or economic gain, athletes lying and still making their millions a year, the lies told on weekly TV shows and in movies, the lies or half-truths told by the media. All of these reinforce the idea that lies are commonplace and will benefit you. Any problems kids have, we adults were the ones that taught them.
From Me
Great point Dave. I often hear little kids say hateful, hurtful things that are obviously from the mouth of an adult which is disappointing and sad. How do we fix this? I really want to know!
How can I make a positive difference in the life of an adult who negatively affects a kid? Kids do learn from the adults in their lives. That being said, maybe the positive adults in a kid's life need to have a clearer, louder, more repeated positive, truthful message than the negative people in the child's life? I think, turn off the media, reinforce that the truth feels better than a lie and surround a child with positive role models. The good in this world can combat the evil and win! I truly believe this and will fight until I die to spread the truth of good...
Thanks for your thought-provoking letter.
From Dave
How do we fix this? Good question, because it is a society-wide problem. I'll be 66 in a couple months, so I have seen a few things. Starting in the '60s, our society has taken a downward trend. We live in a violent society (wars, crime, violence on TV), turned away from God and morals (evolution taught), greed (make a lot of money so you can buy a lot of things) and less pride in work and possessions. As long as you benefit, too bad for others. Divorce destroying families and resulting lack of role models.
I really feel sorry for younger people, because we adults have not made it a better world for them to live in. The future must look bleak to many of them. One person can't change a society, but you can help change individuals around you. This can be done by setting a good example, but this has to happen along with explaining not only why lying (or other bad conduct) is bad, but also by explaining the benefits of good conduct (better self-esteem, respect toward others, you give love and it returns to you, etc.).
It's a Lone Ranger type of thing. No matter what others are doing, you do what is right, and hope someone "gets it" and changes for the better.
My Thoughts
I think I want to be Dave's Tonto. He is right; every person needs to make a positive difference in every child's life. I will ride beside Dave and work diligently to offer every child a stellar example of a model American. I will be truthful, work hard, praise when deserved and challenge when faced with uncertainty.
As a military man in the greatest country in the world, I am challenged daily with a word that should define us all - integrity. One might look inside his or her gut to determine if he or she is living a life with integrity - if not, make a change. If you are uncertain what the word means, look it up. If you are living a life with integrity, share what you know. Our children deserve it!
Send comments or other suggestions to Bill Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com.