Make it all about them
With the many choices available within Kootenai County for elder care living accommodations, from Certified Family Homes to corporate-managed Continuum Care Campuses, it is no wonder that those seeking the same for a loved one can easily become overwhelmed, frustrated, or worse.
This article is intended to provide a little "food for thought," and to encourage those who might be looking for a care facility, to do a bit of footwork before making a final decision.
Any decision made in this regard has to be the right one, for the right reasons. Remember, it will not be you that will be relocated, moved or inconvenienced; it will be your mother, your father, a grandparent. As such, it will become your responsibility to find the "best fit" location for your loved one, and hopefully, not one selected in haste.
Try to imagine the great number of differences between the generation of those born in the early 1900s to the generations of their children born years later during the 1930s to the 1960s. By comparing the likes, dislikes, priorities or lesser-valued items against each other, generationally, it quickly becomes apparent that what might dazzle you in a facility, your grandmother could care less about. Think about that.
Take into consideration that your loved one was most likely a child of the Depression. What might they now find themselves in need of or consider a priority? While a portion of this population might desire the finer things in life for the remainder of their "Golden Years" and can afford it, others may not have fared so well during the bad years of the Depression, and memories of being cold or hungry or having to do without still linger strongly. To them, if those basic needs are met, then they are satisfied. Simple.
Plan to go see, or call ahead to inquire for yourself, at least three different establishments. To help avoid feeling overwhelmed when seeking out which particular locations to visit, we encourage you to develop a mental "short list" of what you truly believe your loved one's top priorities are, should they be required to move from their present location. Once that is firmly in your mind, get on the phone and start calling.
Please be open-minded to what is out there, and be sure to ask specific and pointed questions of someone in an ownership or management position at each facility. Two additional referral resources you might want to consider are the Area Agency on Aging at (208) 667-3179 or Compassionate Care Referral Services at (208) 660-9982. Both of these organizations will have information on current room vacancies at local facilities.
When you arrive at each location, make a point of enlisting the help of three or four of your senses. As you walk in the door, take a whiff. Pleasant or unpleasant? What do you hear? Are the residents engaged with each other or their caregivers in conversation? Is there nice, age-appropriate music playing, or is the TV on for "white noise?" What do you see? Are there activities going on, meals being served, or is it general nap time in the common areas? Lastly, how does this particular location make you feel, based on your first impression of it? To better answer this question, would you want to live there?
After a facility tour and speaking with someone in charge, ask if you might be connected with a current resident's family member to gauge if they are happy with the care their loved one is receiving. You might also request to speak with an alumni's family member, as well, for the same reason.
To be fair, please don't rely strictly on a facility's reputation or local familiarity, if resident rooms have private bath , will Medicaid be accepted, or do they have R.N.s on staff?
It goes without saying that having a private bath would be a must-have for a loved one, if given the choice. However, please don't be so quick to pass by those facilities that do not, as they may more than make up for this by offering other things that might be just as appealing. Again, please keep in mind the generation we are speaking of. For many of this age group, indoor plumbing was a true luxury while they were growing up. For others, memories of having to use "the facilities outdoors" are still fresh in their minds, even to this day. Honestly, how important is this really, to them?
Long story short, there is really no quick way to make an important decision like this for a parent or grandparent without first doing a little leg - or ear - work yourself. Take the time to truly go and see what's out there. Only if your parent or grandparent is happy where they will be going will you be happy as well. It simply has to be a "good fit," in every way that counts to them.
By making their priorities your priorities when looking, you just might be surprised if the end result of your quest is not the same as what you expected it to be, as long as you make it all about them.
George and Kimberlee Ciccone are the owners and operators of Country Comfort Residential Care, an assisted living facility located in Coeur d'Alene. For questions or additional information, please call them at (208) 964-4545.