Cd'A: Of parks and puzzling priorities

Manicured sidewalks blend into perfectly spaced trees. The famous Centennial Trail cleverly winds around over-priced shops and restaurants for bicyclists and connoisseurs of northwestern scenery. A large blue lake and an open cool sky hide behind newly erected part-time condos. Our narrow roads will appeal to your sense of adventure as they crumble and crack, stretching into dense residential and commercial districts. Here our teachers buy their own books, and our classrooms are filled to the brim.

To the east, smiling tourists and families devolve into hungry unkempt wanderers of bus stops. Prices rise each season to compete for your precious summer dollar, and those prices will stay that way to accommodate the lack of off season hours. It’s a beautiful place. You’ll fall in love as you trip over the plentiful sandwich boards, property of the businesses right next to you as their logos loom overhead. Stop and take in the art. See the moose, the bull, even the fork. Everything here is so beautiful for you.

While our infrastructure crumbles and our education wanes, great monuments will continue to surface for your spectacle! A new park full of phallic maritime vessels and squirting beavers have been added to bring joy to your youth. It will refresh visitors and locals alike for a lengthy four months a year. We even chopped down the ancient timber for you to better see all these things. Please come see it. It was all very expensive, and all very worth it.

JOSHUA WEEKS

Coeur d’Alene