No joke: Big nose means big ... muscles

OK, so this isn't the biggest mystery in man's history, but be honest: Have you never wondered why men's noses get so big? All schnozzes grow throughout life, but male noses look so much bigger than do ladies' - especially as the years roll by.

That's because they are - 10 percent bigger for a given body size. No joke. And now we know why.

In a word: muscles. Feeling fortified, gentlemen? Your nose is just plain manly, serving those oxygen-needy, beefy muscles. No, seriously.

A long-term study at the University of Iowa's College of Dentistry led by Dr. Nathan Holton studied nose size and growth in male and female subjects. Et vive la difference.

Proportional differences in snorter size begin around age 11. Puberty brings other changes, such as more muscle growth in males and more fat tissue in females, relatively speaking. Up to 95 percent of weight gain in boys during puberty is lean muscle. For girls that accounts for only 85 percent growth. Yes, girls, we're doomed, but we get a prettier proboscis as a consolation prize.

Anyway, all that muscle is pretty costly in terms of oxygen, so men need more of it, and that's where the hefty honker comes in. Breathe in more air, and muscles get more care. Neanderthal man was pretty thick, so his nose was bigger than ours, according to National Geographic.

That rhino (Greek for "nose") is like a big doorway - the first and last organ through which air passes. Not simply idle is this beak, oh no. Once inside, that air is purified, humidified, and gently warmed. Warm sounds pretty good these days.

And speaking of climate, Dr. Holton says that too affected nose-and-sinus genetics over time. Think Italian long, English snub, or Caribbean broad. Holton and fellow biological anthropologists suggest that in colder climes the nose became narrower and longer to better trap, warm, and moisten air before it reaches the lungs. In hot climates noses tend toward broader and shorter because outer air is already warm and humid.

If size matters, the nose seems to have an inverse relationship with the maxillary sinus. The same 2013 study concluded Europeans have sinuses averaging 36 percent larger than Africans' sinuses.

Three cheers for the brawny schnozz.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network who wonders what purpose serves the bump in her nose. Contact her at sholeh@cdapress.com.