Focusing on giving of myself

Tonight the sun lowers over the Western prairie and I am mezmerized. Indigo, pink, purple, umber, crimson and baby blue clouds pass through the retina of my eyes filling the cones in my visual photoreceptor with amazing light. I first examine the mechanical process allowing my brain to understand the vivid colors entering my vision then become emotional understanding the beauty I'm realizing - my psychology overwhelms my physiology.

A drop of rain dots my right eyeglass lens as I lay back in my anti-gravity deck lounger on my back deck examining the scene - my heart palpitates excited at this moment. How many more times in my life will I have the opportunity to view a miracle like the one before me? How many times in my past have I simply dismissed my beautiful life focusing on work? What to have for dinner, what to watch on television and talking and texting insignificant information to people I will not remember in a year seem meaningless.

Life is simple; people make life complicated. Working hard, enjoying a sunset or child's laugh and respecting the people in our life who make life fulfilling create a self-actualized individual. Allowing people to sabotage our success, damper our initiative, lull us into complacency or dissuade our success creates a victim.

I don't want to be a victim. Instead of victimhood, I choose psychophilanthropy. Psychophilanthropy is a way of living I created to focus more on giving of myself than taking from others. As a Psychophilanthropist I do not allow others to manipulate or control me. I understand human behavior and offer help when needed but do not enable unhealthy behavior. I separate myself from people who damage me psychologically and surround myself with people who accept me; flaws and all.

I choose to give to the people I love the best of me as often as I have the psychological energy to do so. I choose to notice when someone I love needs love. I choose to offer the best of me to a family member who needs it, when she needs it and I choose to unselfishly offer a listening ear to one who needs to talk.

I understand that I might learn more about me when listening to a friend. I understand that what I say might be less important than simply listening to what someone has to say. Being quiet and listening; truly hearing, is a gift to offer one who feels he has never been heard. Unselfish affirmation offers a friend, parent, child or spouse the freedom to express true emotion.

As humans we often play a communicational game of chess. You talk, I interrupt, you keep talking, I build thoughts while you're talking and listen to half of what you say and you become frustrated at my inattentiveness. We spar back and forth with neither listening or understanding what the other is saying; intent to get our message across disregarding the other's thoughts and feelings. This is not communication; this is verbal sparring.

True human communication begins with one person talking, the other listening; truly listening. As one talks the listener does not form ideas, thoughts or what he might say in rebuttal; he simply listens to what the person is saying. This is not an easy trait to learn - opening up one's mind and closing one's mouth - but is necessary for honest conversation.

Psychophilanthropy is offering honest conversation, truly listening to the messenger and caring more about the person in need than one cares about oneself. A true Psychophilanthropist offers psychological health to all around without expecting anything in return.

Psychophilanthropy is not a philosophy but a way of life. Next week I will examine the five barriers to a successful life and offer ways to overcome those barriers. I will also offer the steps to become a Psychophilanthropist and psychologically give to the world in which we live.

If you wish to comment or offer suggestions, please email Bill Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com.