Centering on the spud

Some say we have enough downtown activities during the summer.

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Some say we don't have enough.

Either way, I'll weigh in with what I think would be a fantastic event.

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Quick - what is Idaho known for? Yeah, I know, that was an easy one.

We are all about spuds - at least that is what the rest of the county thinks, and our 'Famous Potatoes' license plates are doing nothing to remove that stereotype.

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So I say, why not embrace it?

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All we need is a great event centering on the spud.

The yearly Nathan's hot dog eating contest happens on July 4 every year at Coney Island, N.Y.

The furor surrounding the event has grown so big, it is now shown live on ESPN. Are these guys (and girls) athletes? Maybe. At any rate they are talented and highly competitive.

If we had some kind of eating contest here that would draw the likes of Nathan's champs Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi, we'd see quite a show. Competitors like them show their prey no mercy, devouring mass quantities of whatever is put in front of them at breakneck speed. Chestnut has inhaled as many at 68 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes. That's quite a load.

Not to mention the amount of chewing that is involved. These professional eaters (I don't remember the guidance counselor suggesting that profession) have jaws of steel, and can chomp continuously for a half hour. And you thought Mike Tyson could clamp down...

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My first thought is a downtown gathering, with some kind of eating contest as the centerpiece.

Hmmm, what would work for that?

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Well, to my knowledge, no one out there has put on any type of eating contest focussed solely on potatoes, so there's a void that needs filling, we just have to find some guys with large gastric voids to fill it.

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French (or should that be American) Fries anyone? Although that would be the no-brainer fare, anything fried is hard to consume in mass quantities. No, no, we need something a little lighter on the tummy.

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Um, potato salad?

Well, yeah, maybe. But you see, the problem with that is it really looks the same going in the chute as it does coming out.

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I say we go with the raw food movement and go Au Natural: Raw, peeled, whole potatoes.

First off, they are easy on the stomach, and secondly, sometimes you just gotta keep it simple.

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Every competitor would get a bushel basket full of 10 pounds at a time, and what you don't finish is easily weighed to determine a winner.

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But not to worry - yours truly won't be bellying up to the table.

Back in the day, I could put away the groceries.

My twin brother and I could polish off a 2-pound chub of hamburger, a quart of cottage cheese and whatever vegetable and bread we could get our hands on after football practice back in high school.

These days, I'm a lightweight when it comes to packing it away. At least compared to the pros.

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At any rate, I hope I have gotten the ball rolling. And, if the day comes that there is ever a need, we could kill two birds with one stone: Have an event and save the lake all in one fell swoop.

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With a quagga mussel-eating contest.

Jerry Hitchcock is a copy editor for The Press. He can be reached at 664-817, Ext. 2017, or via email at jhitchcock@cdapress.com.