Skinny jeans and my history with other sizes

I have to say, some things in the fashion world are confusing to me.

Heck, there's plenty in the fashion world that baffles me, but that's really no surprise.

I grew up in Levi's 501 jeans, and no one ever mistook me for a model, either in my choice of clothes or my less-than-runway physique.

But the whole "skinny jeans" fad has me perplexed.

First of all, the term is a misnomer. It should really be "skin-tight" jeans, because few people look skinny just by wearing them.

Face it folks - you either have it or you don't. People that look chunky in normal jeans look chunky in skinny jeans - you can just define their chunkiness better in the latter.

And the fashion industry is laughing all the way to the bank. They have to use less material for the skinnies, so it's a win-win for them.

I grew up in the 1970s, back when bell bottom jeans ruled the day. The bells came in different sizes, and it wasn't until the next decade that the bells went away totally. You could easily get two pairs of skinny jeans out of one pair of the "whale bottoms" we hiked on back then.

Since then, the jean has gone on a diet, even though the body wearing it more often than not hasn't.

One constant in everyday fashion is the good old T-shirt. Look through the circulars in Sunday's Press, and no doubt you'll see retro tees that look like they came straight from the '70s.

The cotton tee is almost as comfy as that favorite pair of jeans. It can express your likes, dislikes or just some comic relief. It can also be any color under the sun, and, in the case of tie-dye, all colors under the sun.

I try to pay attention to fashion trends (meaning I overhear what my daughter and wife are conversing about, but I really don't understand).

I've heard over the years that, if I remember right, black is the new brown, blue is the new yellow and pink is the new black.

Funny, they all look the same to me.

Also, certain colors you don't wear certain times of the year, supposedly.

To me, you don't wear white in the winter, hence you get caught in a blizzard, your car gets stuck, and you have to hoof it to safety. No one will see you until they hear a "thump" as they mow you down.

And don't wear green when you're laying on the grass in city park. The far-sighted landscapers might inadvertently mow you down as well.

And it used to be that if you were a guy with a pierced ear, it meant something as to which ear you pierced. I can't remember what it was, and it doesn't matter anymore anyhow. People are piercing everything these days and all it really means to me is a whole bunch of tetanus.

Jerry Hitchcock is copy editor for The Press. He can be reached at 648176, Ext. 2017, or via email at jhitchcock@cdapress.com.