I need your money for my vacation

I want your money.

I thought hard about that lede.

It was between, "I need money, so give it to me," "Give me your money" or "I need your money, so give it to me, please."

I'm going on vacation, that's why.

I want to buy things, lots of things, like beers in those fancy glasses where the mouths are triple the width of their stems, or a poster of a reprinted art piece from a museum gift shop so I can frame it like a real painting and when people come and visit, they'll think I'm smart.

So fork it over.

I could quote scripture. That means I'm deserving of your money and you'll feel better about yourself for giving it to me.

"Blessed is he who pilgrims to exotic lands to sample the grape of foreign vines."

That's from Leviticus, I think, or the "Lonely Planet," one of the two.

I booked a three-week vacation and I need help affording it. I did everything right booking it; it's the affording it part.

I thought about putting on a car wash or something to raise funds but I didn't want to go around buying buckets and rags and stuff. Plus, I enjoying laying on my couch Saturdays.

I know I've come to the right place though.

North Idaho likes to give and give, and The Press, well, we get results.

I've seen it firsthand.

In the back of my mind is a tally of all the things I've gotten for people, and things other reporters have gotten for people. People come to The Press and ask us to write stories asking the community for things for free and, boy oh boy, do we get it for them.

Kid loses a bike? Write a story about it and it's, "Hello, new bike."

Lost wallet? Found it. Broken washing machine? Can't keep clothes clean that way, how's a new washer sound?

There are two ways to ask for stories - flattery and demand.

"You're so good with words. People love your stories."

That's flattery.

"It'd be nice to see a positive story once in awhile instead of always reading about bad news."

That's demand.

The heftiest bounty I've ever seen collected from a story asking for things was hefty, indeed. The receiver cried and thanked her Creator. When we asked her for a favor in return - a 20-minute phone call with a reporter from another state who was also impressed by the bounty - the receiver wasn't wild about it. They don't talk about returning phone calls in the Bible, I guess.

Used to be, people would disguise their story requests asking for money as a tale, almost novel-like. They'd really make a pitch.

"A real human interest piece," they'd say, dangling that carrot. But it's true too because humans are interested in money.

They just come right out and say it.

The first time I saw a press release from a civic organization saying it was accepting donations to pay its mortgage I took it around the newsroom out of novelty's sake, the way I'll probably carry my newborn for the first time if I can ever afford to have a child. The second time, I want to say I laid my head on my keyboard, but I can't quite remember.

It's not that I can't afford my vacation - I can. I just won't be able to afford my bills when I return. There are guidelines, however. No government money. It's OK to ask for things for free as long as you understand the hierarchy.

So hurry up already.

"And when in exotic land, go forth and buy local women bottomless wines and expensive cheese plates while regaling them with exaggerated tales from thy homeland."

That's Leviticus again. Or "The Lonely Planet," I forget which one.

Tom Hasslinger is the city reporter for The Press. He can be reached at thasslinger@cdapress.com or 664-8176 Ext. 2010.