Live in the question

Part of the human condition is to struggle with decisions. The more connected the decision to perceived happiness, the more we tend to struggle. In his "Letters to a Young Poet," Rainer Maria Rilke told a young man grappling with such a struggle, "Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart ... Live in the question."

Live in the question. What did he mean when he wrote that more than a century ago and why does it still resonate?

Young Frank Kappus was a cadet, barely 19, when his correspondence began with Rilke, a German poet and alumnus of the military academy from which Kappus would graduate. Kappus struggled with a difficult decision: Should he continue along the same path and join the military, or should he switch to a literary career?

His heart pulled him in both directions. That common experience often seems to have no ready answer. What was Rilke's? Forget advice. Forget criticism. Tap into and trust your inner judgment.

Easier said than done. First there are the layers of insecurity and doubt. What if what I decide harms me? What if I fail, and regret it later? What if...

Peel those off and toss them away by simply accepting the unknown. This reveals the deeper layers. Is this what I really want (or is that)? Why? What in my nature makes this attractive? Is it just the image which appeals, or the reality of it? Is it what I really think I should decide, or am I motivated by others' opinions, perceived needs, or wants?

Somewhere beneath those layers lies the answer struggling to be heard. Perhaps that is the "inner judgment" of which Rilke spoke. Perhaps that is "your heart" to follow.

To get rid of the layers one must wade through them. Notice them, examine them, question them. Once that is done, their value is gone. Beneath them, without words, without labels, and without limitation, is that inner voice telling us what we really want to decide. Until the outer layers are gone (and this can take time), the voice can't be heard. Once audible, fighting its answer with the excuses of the outer layers and what-ifs rarely benefits anyone for long.

To live in the question is to be patient with the struggle, to reveal oneself with it. Thereby does the struggle dissipate.

Oh and yes, Kappus chose to write.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at sholehjo@hotmail.com.