Dads want guilt-free day

All right, girls: 'Fess up. We've all done it.

That little sigh before you say, "OK..." The tightened lip, the look that says silently, "That's not what I hoped you'd choose." In a word, guilt. It's probably a side effect of the maternal instinct in overdrive, but we females are experts at making our men (and our kids) feel bad about - whatever.

So I shouldn't have been surprised. I asked a couple dozen fathers ranging in age from 30 to 70 what they really want for Father's Day. "No limits, no conditions, fantasy or practical - totally anonymous," I said.

Sure, I got a few big screen TVs, plenty of beer, rounds of golf with the guys, sports equipment, a riding mower, and fantasy vacations (plus one Mustang); but the most common theme was much simpler: No guilt. So as you plan ahead for his special day this month, skip the tool set and join me in a self-evaluative little think.

A whole day to do whatever he wants, freely given. As one devoted dad put it:

"You know, without someone making a face or comment and then me changing my mind so everyone else will be happy."

Do moms want anything different on Mother's Day? Simple, unconditional love.

Most touching was that so many described scenes which included the family, at least for part of the day (and no chores). Two dads want a family hike; several, just to read the paper, lie in a hammock, or take his whims as they come with no plan. One father of three small boys - a stuntman who also owns a special effects company and thus, as he puts it, "plays for a living" - wants peace on his little slice of earth.

"If Kimberly could talk to my precocious 7-year-old and my adventurous/oversensitive twins and have them really get it, try to just get along, strive for harmony instead of accepting discord as a way of life... Have a day where nothing 'pops up' and nothing must be accomplished, that would be the best present I could get for Father's Day."

One dad didn't answer. His wife replied with a tracking link to his "BMX adventure with his buddies" in Baja. She never complains when he does things like that two or three times a year, generally ski trips. The rest of his time he devotes to work and family. As she says, "He deserves these breaks."

Good dads deserve a break. Let's give it to them, minus the look.

Sholeh Patrick is a lucky wife and columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Earplugs, smiles, and bad-for-you (wait, no guilt!) tray of hot dogs ready for a full day of surround-sound sports TV.