Sholeh: Bullying a senior problem, too

Bullying isn’t limited to children. Adults bully and are bullied. Preying on the vulnerable is a failing as old as humanity. The irony is that while those who bully do it to feel stronger, such behavior only reveals them as weak.

Recently 68-year-old New York school bus monitor Karen Klein was bullied by a pack of seventh-graders. The verbal and physical assault was recorded by another student’s cell phone.

It began with words and escalated. She was called a troll. Another said the widow had no family because they’d all committed suicide rather than be near her. Klein’s eldest son actually was a suicide victim, so this alone brought her to tears. As if the unending stream of insults, jeers, profanity, arm-jabbing, and physical ridicule weren’t enough, some boys threatened home invasion and theft.

The resulting 10-minute YouTube video went viral; outrage and donations to Mrs. Klein poured in. The fund drive was to provide her a vacation, but so much was raised she decided to retire and set up a charitable fund. The students were disciplined, but Klein says the parents play a part. Kids learn by example.

As much as bullying is a problem for children, statistics reveal incidence is higher for seniors. According to an MSNBC report, one in seven children, and one in five seniors, are bullied. Experts suspect the numbers are higher in reality, as people often feel fear and — especially in the case of adults — shame which prevent them from reporting.

Bullying of seniors takes all forms, and can be a significant problem especially in nursing homes and other facilities where they are more vulnerable. Abuse can be by family, caregivers, or anyone with control over an aspect of their lives and care, even temporarily. It can be financial abuse, phone scams, deliberate neglect, physical, mental, or emotional.

I witnessed one combination in a nursing facility in Coeur d’Alene. An obviously disabled woman in a wheelchair vomited. I tried to help her, asking the nurse just 5 feet away for towels. The nurse, who continued chatting socially with a colleague until my persistence finally stopped her, said, “Let her wait; she does it all the time. She made the mess; she can sit in it.” I brought my grandfather home soon after.

Bullying can be less direct. Under-recognized bullying may occur in groups such as overzealous condominium or townhome boards, activities groups and aid providers, and others in positions of trust who may have control over daily conditions for vulnerable adults. When that trust is abused, victims feel and often are powerless to stop others from taking advantage.

Those who bully tend to be repeat offenders. Like perpetrators of domestic violence, deep down they are weaker than their victims; they have a need to subjugate others to feel inner strength, false though this power may be.

Understanding it doesn’t help victims, but awareness can. Seniors, children, and those with physical and mental disabilities are especially vulnerable to bullying and other abuse and need help. Sometimes they are afraid to, or can’t, speak out, so watch for behavioral signs, hesitation or fear around an individual, depression or changes in mood, means, or lifestyle.

If you witness or suspect it, don’t put up with it. Report it to authorities, offer protection and assistance. The Area Agency on Aging (208) 667-3179 and Idaho’s abuse reporting hotline 2-1-1 (for any age or disability) are resources for help and information.

Waiting or hesitating to become involved helps the abuser. Time breeds more opportunity and encourages bullies in all forms to continue and escalate. In the end, that bodes poorly for everyone.

My thanks to reader S.T. for suggesting further exploration of this important topic.

Sholeh Patrick, J.D., is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at sholehjo@hotmail.com.