Back to reality...a three-step program

Here at the Flat Earth Society, you know who we are. The president told you who we are back in May. Anyway, we read with interest Mike Satren’s recent Special to the Press featuring Burt Rutan’s views on global warming. You see, Burt Rutan is the guy who designed and built the Rutan Model 76 Voyager, an airplane that once and for all time put us flat-earthers out of business. When his brother Dick Rutan and copilot Jeana Yeager flew the Voyager around the world nonstop without refueling in 1986, it became nearly impossible to convince anyone that the world was not round. You cannot fly “around” a “flat” world.

Now this same guy, with the aid of a 96-page PowerPoint presentation, has placed present day global warming alarmists alongside the flat earth proponents of yesteryear. His research demonstrates clearly that every one of the global warming alarmist’s computer projections have been wrong. Rutan’s research exposes Al Gore’s charge of imminent human caused cataclysmic climate change for what it is, a big lie.

A week after Satren’s article appeared in the press, a letter to the editor was posted that charged “Burt Rutan’s view of human caused global warming, an Orwellian, overwhelming lie.” (Orwellian? Wasn’t it the pigs’ messing with the flow of resources that destroyed utopia back there on The Animal Farm?) Be that as it may, the letter writer goes on to inform us that twice in history runaway greenhouse gasses have caused global extinctions of 90 percent of life or more. According to him, current levels of CO2 have caused mile-wide plumes of methane to bubble up from the Arctic Ocean. The tundra has the potential, unless Carbon Dioxide is brought under control, to pump trillions of tons of methane into the atmosphere. And finally, that we must find a new way of life or face a “Great Extinction” of more than 90 percent of life forms on this planet dying, including our own.

Ninety percent? Trillions? Folks, we’re talking some serious numbers here. This isn’t like hair spray punching holes in the ozone layer, chemtrail’s blotting out the sun, or earth’s colliding with an asteroid. We’re talking imminent extinction here. Dire warnings like that even interrupted our lethargy down at FESTT (Flat Earth Society Think Tank). We sprang into action.

Guess what? Our research soon unearthed the solution to the methane problem right here in our own backyard. You see, Kootenai Electric Cooperative and Kootenai County have partnered up and developed KEC’s Fighting Creek Gas-to-Energy power generating project. This project captures the methane gas produced by the decomposition of trash at the Kootenai County Solid Waste Facility and uses it to produce enough electricity to power approximately 1,800 homes.

So using our research and the Fighting Creek model, we here at FESTT have developed the following three-step model to save us all from the methane menace:

Step 1. Fund an expedition to the Arctic for global warming advocates, using Bernanke dollars, so they can observe first hand how really warm it is up there. Include such luminaries as Steven Chu, Ken Salazar, Lisa Jackson, Van Jones, Al Gore, and anyone else who advocates for high-energy prices as a solution to the world’s problems. Let them have at the task of harnessing and converting all the trillions of tons of methane gas they claim to be there into green electricity.

Step 2. Include former President Obama and his teleprompter on the expedition. Let him develop a “good” story about the expedition’s accomplishments and present it to a dumbfounded local audience of walrus, caribou, and polar bear.

Step 3. While step 1 and step 2 are in progress, let the rest of us get back to the basics of recreating a cheap fuel innovation based economy and put America back on the road to exceptionalism.

Bob LaRue is a Hauser resident