MOOSE: The Game is on

It never fails to amaze me how clever and inventive are those who continually load the “letters” section of The Press. Take, for example, Mr. (or Mrs.) Turley of Avery.

I have never laughed so hard after reading his clever reference to the Idaho Fish and No Game department! How clever — and time consuming. I spent three hours searching the State of Idaho directory, searching for the Department of Fish and No Game, before I determined Mr. (or Mrs.) Turley was using a PLAY ON WORDS! There is NO Department of Fish and NO Game...only a Department of Fish and Game!

I wanted to speak to a member of the Department of Fish and No Game before I adopted this man’s (or woman’s) opinion, as to where all the moose have gone, or why the suburbs and metro area of Coeur d’Alene are inundated with these huge beasts. I guess that this yearling moose, as was reported, was a mutated animal, to have had 700 pounds of meat! Seven hundred pounds! That yearling must have gone 1,300 to 1,500 pounds on the hoof to surrender 700 pounds of meat! The Department of Fish and NO Game really grows ‘em big up here in God’s (uh-oh…better scratch that)…up here in Department of Fish and No Game country! How amazing?

Mr. (or Mrs.) Turley is hinting — no, bold-faced blaming — that it is really the Idaho Department of Fish and Game that is responsible for Turley’s lack of prowess in securing wild meat for the freezer. His (or her) clever, sophomoric innuendo should have been explained so that the average reader would not have been in such dismay. Of course it is the responsibility of the State of Idaho for the lack of available game to the Turleys. Of course it is the State of Idaho’s responsibility for introducing thousands of wolves, hindering these faceless paragons of conservation from procuring an easy target for free meat.

I DO have an idea, though, for the resolution of the problem of overpopulation of moose in Coeur d’Alene. I will personally construct a blind for the Turleys to man, on Hanley Avenue, the apparent game trail for this moose to enter this fair city. The Turleys can “man” the blind, on the city limit line, and shoot the numerous monster yearlings invading our city. Perhaps, he might have to “get his hands dirty” dressing the endless trail of invading yearling moose or call the wildlife agent who “shot it full of drugs” for help. Perhaps then Mr. (or Mrs.) Turley could, properly, refer to the Idaho Department of Fish and (Abundant) Game...and find some other issue to whine about!

Holy cow! I should know this is too much to ask for!

LEE WAGNER

Coeur d’Alene