Mental illness deserves compassion

As I write this Monday, it is exactly one week after our son committed suicide. I hope readers will forgive me for writing about it; I tried other subjects, but writing is of a personal nature and this dominates our state of being, for now. It's too soon to push it into the background of my thoughts, but life - and work - go on.

I have written about suicide before and will from a deeper personal perspective another day. Today I can only write about pain. Not my own, but Jay's. Jay was mentally ill life long.

For those like him with severe clinical depression and obsessive tendencies, each day is a tortuous struggle, and that's putting it mildly. For this reason no one in our family who knew and loved Jay is feeling that very common, understandable reaction to suicide: anger. We are sad, we miss him, we feel empty inside, and above all we wish he hadn't succeeded this time, had called any of us in his anguish, again; but we can't be angry with him. Because we understand too well what it was to be Jay, every day. Pain permeated each moment of his existence.

The mentally ill do not fall into one category. Some are severe cases, some rather episodic, and some function quite well. Some are happy. Rare, however, is a mentally ill person who does not require compassion. This is why I write today.

If you know or come to know someone who is mentally ill, keep compassion at the forefront. The mentally ill may not behave like most of us. They may not react as expected; they may not think as expected. Or, like Jay whose intelligence was well above average, they may know exactly what they should think or do, but not be capable of doing it. He felt as if a puppet-master controlled his body and mind, acting against his will.

As a result of these phenomena, others often feel frustrated, puzzled, inconvenienced, exhausted, fraught with worry, and even angry. This is why compassion is so important. The experience is often exponentially harder for the mentally ill person.

Sometimes simply expressing this compassion can improve things, at least temporarily. Sometimes it doesn't. "Easy" isn't part of the vocabulary in the life of the mentally ill, and that can make it a challenge for those who care about them. But isn't that what love is about?

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network and may be contacted at sholehjo@hotmail.com.