Nothing but a Mega headache
I knew it, I KNEW it.
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I should have traveled to Red Bud, Ill., or Milford Mill, Md., or northeast Kansas to buy my Mega Millions ticket for last week. Those names roll off the tongue, and I should have listened to my instincts. Each community now has a Mega Millions winner. Instead, I bought local (trying to stimulate the local economy, don't you know) and wound up a loser - again.
I've been playing the Powerball and Mega Millions for awhile now, and haven't had a sniff of success in either, but then again, I really wouldn't expect to.
I've already beaten the odds in the lottery. Me and a couple of buddies hit 4 out of 6 numbers in a lottery in another state years ago, netting us the cool sum of around $2,000. I forget what the odds of that were, but they were fairly high. However, if you take into account that we fed money into the system twice a week for years previously, we still lost money. So there you go - a lottery winner and loser all in one.
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With odds of 176 million to 1 to hit all 5 Mega numbers and the Mega Number, my chances of hitting anything significant in this lifetime (or subsequent ones, if you believe in that sort of thing) are extremely remote. But I'll keep buying.
And so will so many millions of others. Why? Why do we toss a few bucks a week at the pipe dream to end all pipe dreams? Because it's fun. That's right, it's FUN to think of what we'd do if we were ever fortunate enough to be "struck by lightning" in the sense that we actually hit all the numbers and had to decide how to spend all the millions.
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The wife and I were caught up in just that very thought last week. With hundreds of millions at our disposal, what/where/when/how would we do?
My first thought was to buy a tropical island. You know, build a mansion, carve out an airstrip and live the good life in the splendor of the Jimmy Buffett, surf-and-sun crowd.
The wife was not amused. She has no intentions of following me to some island. I guess everyone's idea of "the good life" rarely coincides with your own.
No, she'd like a bigger house, yes, but has no intention of departing the good ol' U-S of A. And I would bet half our winnings that half of our winnings would end up spent on shopping sprees, and I don't think my back is up to carting all those shopping bags back to the stretch limo bound for Casa-de-Hitchcock.
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Our daughter has shown interest in moving to New York City in the past, and millions could be spent there just on a simple flat in midtown Manhattan. While I can appreciate the Big Apple, the chances of me moving to the land of unfriendly, rush-rush-rushers are dwarfed by the odds of actually winning the Mega Monster. Sorry, girls - looks like you'll have to shop online.
Once you start daydreaming about the possibilities, it is easy to be overwhelmed by the magnitude of decisions a lottery winner would have to make. Lawyers and accountants (preferably honest ones) would have to be hired and current friendships would have to be determined and their futures considered. Many lottery winners move far away at their earliest convenience for a reason. The phone rings nonstop, everyone comes out of the woodwork and arrives at your door with hand outstretched, the media hounds you for interviews, and subsequently, now you are recognized wherever you go. Only bad things can happen at that point. Private jet, where are you?
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So all that being said, I've resigned myself to the fact that only in dreams will my lottery winnings be counted. It's nice to think of once in awhile, but really, my life is pretty satisfying the way it is. The family enjoys each other's company, we make do with what we have and try to live each day the best we know how.
In that sense, we've already beaten the odds.
Jerry Hitchcock, a copy editor for The Press, probably has more than a few losing Mega Millions tickets strewn about that he just can't seem to part with. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2017, or via email at jhitchcock@cdapress.com.