Over committing yourself

Deep in slumber, my dream becomes vivid with Patrick Monahan, the lead singer of Train belting out his hit song, "Soul Sister" on stage at the Fox Theater. "Your lipstick stains, on the front lobe of my left side brains. I knew I wouldn't forget you. And so I let go and blow my mind." I cheer loudly in my sleep then realize the band is on the clock radio, not on stage as I begin to wake.

I reach over and snooze the alarm then examine the time, "Really? It's already 6 a.m.?" I rub my eyes, put on my glasses to ensure I see the time on the clock accurately and let an audible, "Dang!" Every morning seems to come too early and every night arrives too soon. My days run together and weeks pass at light-speed. Not because life is boring and stagnate but because life is too busy - I'm overcommitted.

I enjoy being busy and become energized when doing purposeful work but I've hit a wall. The work I do is becoming less meaningful and I'm performing the work with less vigor. I've reached my saturation point and am beginning to become irritable, lethargic and less passionate about the work I do. Let's examine my typical Tuesday:

• 6 a.m. - wake up, shower, read the paper and prepare for work.

• 7:45 a.m. - Arrive at the elementary school where I work as a counselor and work until 3:50 p.m.

• 4 p.m. - Arrive at North Idaho College and teach an introduction to psychology class.

• 5:15 p.m. - Take a lunch break and short walk to revitalize my mind.

• 6 p.m. - Teach developmental psychology at NIC.

• 9 p.m. - Arrive home, kiss wife, answer email and phone calls, relax and go to bed at 11 p.m.

On less busy days I do private counseling, community work, write this column, grade papers, and prepare for the college classes I teach and supplemental work for the school district.

I don't offer this schedule to be boastful or impress. My goal is to offer my story as a cautionary tale. Working hard and the drive to succeed should not trump one's mental wellness and quality time spent with friends and family. Often the time spent reaching for future goals clouds one's mind.

Being over-committed creates a vicious cycle of self-destruction. One works so hard trying to be successful that he has no time to think of ways to work smarter rather than working longer. So, he accepts more work for a little more pay and ends up working even more. Instead of having the time to apply for a higher paying job or earn a trade, certificate or degree to further his employability he accepts numerous smaller jobs which satisfies financial needs of the moment but does not make positive changes to his future.

How might one regain balance in an unbalanced life? The answer is prioritization. Over-commitment, stagnation, boredom or an unfulfilled life all have one thing in common - lack of purposeful planning. I need to plan my life.

Purposefully planning my life requires three steps:

1. I need to prioritize the important things in my life - what should I keep doing and what should I give up?

2. I need a system to focus on making the changes I need make and a timeline to change.

3. I need to put my plan into place.

Prioritizing - When making a purposeful change in life, I suggest grabbing two pieces of paper, labeling the top of one page "Positive" and the other paper "Negative." Write all of the positive things in your life on the paper labeled positive and all the things you wish to change on the negative paper - grab more paper if needed. After your lists are complete, let them sit for a while. An hour, a day or a month can often change one's perspective of life and something previously marked negative might migrate to the positive list.

When deciding to change jobs, get married, have children or move to a new city, putting pencil to paper allows one an opportunity to critically and patiently make logical decisions about emotional issues. Once this list is complete, rank in order the items with the most positive and beneficial items and do the same with the negatives list. The goal of this exercise is to increase the opportunity to do more of the things on the positive list and remove the items on the negative list from your life.

Focused System For Change- Setting goals, writing them down and creating a timeline for one to achieve the goal is one secret for a purposeful life. Setting SMART goals helps one focus on achieving success. SMART is an acronym for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.

• Specific - what is one going to do, how is one going to do it and why is it important to do at this time?

• Measurable - how long will it take and how will one measure that the goal is being achieved?

• Attainable - can one figure out a way to achieve this goal?

• Realistic - is the goal too unrealistic to achieve?

• Timely - when will one achieve this goal?

Putting the Plan Into Action - Now that I've decided and planned my life changes, it's time to make the change. I need constant reminders of the change I need to make. Marking my timeline on my calendar, placing my goals in my wallet, hanging them on my refrigerator and placing the goals on my bathroom mirror keeps the changes I need to make fresh in my mind. Also, I need to ensure I mark off results as I achieve them. Success breeds success. Making small successes makes large tasks achievable.

So, what next? Do I remain overcommitted and continue to work harder than I need to, neglecting the important people in my life, or do I follow my own advice and direct my life through purpose? Professionally, I decide to change the number of hours I work and change the purpose of my work. Personally, I decide to focus more on the people I love and less on my distracters and give them more of me.

Bill Rutherford is a psychotherapist, public speaker, elementary school counselor, adjunct college psychology instructor and executive chef, and owner of Rutherford Education Group. Please email him at bprutherford@hotmail.com.