Recipe for turkey day sanity

Maybe you had or are the perfect holiday mom. You know the type: makeup and hair done before 9 a.m., her little turkey earrings dangling from perfumed ears as she calmly sings to herself, adding item after item to the burgeoning buffet like the still eye in a looming hurricane.

As if. More like lightning-zapped mop-top and snoopy pajamas, can't squeeze the pies in with the dadgum turkey (WHAT time is it?!), and do I make cranberry sauce or will anyone actually eat it? After experiencing repeated burns and shoulders as tight as a shark's arse at 40 fathoms, I finally stumbled on some tips to improve that picture as the years go by - starting with open the wine early.

Seriously (and I am serious about wine), a few Thanksgiving time-savers for us imperfect cooks will inspire sanity, starting at today's 48 hour mark. Ready, get set:

* Write it down. Sounds Type A, but it really does help to list everything and make a time line, organizing stove and oven space. Then in the middle of the frantic frazzle, calm will be restored. Just check the list.

* Casseroles. Plenty of recipes on the Web for potato casseroles and the neat thing is you can make them two days early. Skips the mashing and saves room on Thursday's stovetop.

* Clean out the fridge today to find more space.

* Chop ahead. Cut onions and other vegetables; refrigerate in plastic containers today or tomorrow (for cut potatoes, add water before fridge) Prep time is half the battle.

* Wednesday is pie day. They'll be fine and no one will taste the difference, especially if baked in the evening. When the turkey comes out to set for a few minutes Thursday, stick the pies in to warm up.

* Set the table Wednesday night.

Why not? Cover plates with a paper towel if you're worried about dust.

Other things can be done now to shorten the Thursday marathon, such as mixing a salad dressing and making the dough for homemade biscuits (yeah, right). Credit for the best idea yet goes to the hubby: He insisted we buy a smoked turkey from Porky G's this year. All I have to do is pick it up.

You're my hero, Clark.

Sholeh Patrick hates to cook and is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Email sholehjo@hotmail.com