Is the end near?

For those of you living under a rock (I know it's dark under there, but squint and you should be able to read this type), there's been some rumblings going on about the end of the world, as in it may be near.

Haven't you heard? Supposedly the Mayan calendar quits at Dec. 21, 2012. That has led more than a few to "research" and declare that yes, indeed, all life on planet Earth will end on that date.

There's been countless shows on cable television touting various evidence that all points to this occurrence. So far I'm not sold.

The best website I have come across in looking into this, www.greatdreams.com/2012, gives us this explanation about December of 2012:

"The first day of the Mayan calendar (day 0.0.0.0.0) was on 11 August 3114 BC, and the end-date (known as 13.0.0.0.0.) (will be) 21 December 2012.

"The astronomer Philip Plait has stated very clearly that the Mayan calendar does not end in 2012 at all, that it is like the odometer on your car, as each section of the odometer reaches 9 and then clicks over to 0, the next number to it starts a new cycle, so that when all the numbers again reach 0 all the way across the odometer - the last number will change from 1 to 2 and the new cycle starts all over again."

So depending on how you are reading the Mayan calendar, (if you can read the Mayan calendar), fear not: Something else might kill us, but I think we are safe from calendar serial killing.

Some doomsday-ers point to the strain on the global financial system, others say, due to increasing human population, we are quickly running out of water.

Still others surmize we are facing a global energy crunch, as we have peaked in oil production.

So it's not just one apocalypse we are facing. We could be hit from all sides.

While I wait for my invitation to the royal wedding to arrive, I thought I'd do a little research and see what the masses are saying about the end of life as we know it.

Is anyone ready for a drastic change in our planet? Apparently, according to websites selling freeze-dried and dehydrated food, many people are. One of the largest suppliers of freeze-dried food, Mountain House (www.mountainhouse.com), posted this notice on its site in an apparent response to a run on large quantity (10-pound cans) food items it sells:

"As you know we have removed #10 cans from our website temporarily. The reason for this is sales of #10 cans have continued to increase. (We are) allocating as much production capacity as possible to this market segment, but we must maintain capacity for our other market segments as well."

"Currently we are able to meet demand for Mountain House pouches and most of these products are still available for purchase on our website. We do have a small number of dealers that we will continue to make and ship #10 cans to and you will need to contact them directly to place an order."

Another site, www.yourfootstorage.com, offers bulk items to sustain life for, apparently, a year at a time. Among the stuff they offer: 250 gallon "super tanker" water storage, Year supply of food for 1-10 people, wheat grinders, sun ovens and water ionizers.

The cost of a year's supply of freeze-dried and dehydated food on this site is $1,995. The kit includes entrees and supplies like Washington State apples slices, Idaho potato dices, Mr. Woo's elbow macaroni, Granddad's hashbrowns, margerine powder and three 5-gallon buckets of wheat. Scrumptious!

In comparison, Costco.com offers a year supply of food, most in 10-pound cans, for the bargain rate of $999. Shelf life on the included items ranges from 15-30 years. Apparently, it got 4 1/2 stars (out of 5) all told from its 17 customer reviews.

Here's my favorite "product" review, obviously from a Marine or ex-Marine with the online alias Evilz:

"Excellent Product, buy while you can. If you can't see what's comming, buy some glasses. Gods Speed. Semper Fi. Only wish I Could buy more."

So I took Evilz advice and put on my glasses, which I normally only use when I'm driving. Funny, everything looks pretty much the same, even though things are a tad more in focus.

But maybe I should take Evilz word for it. He apparently knows what's "comming," and it doesn't look good.

My take, for now, is that we, just like any other civilization in the history of the Earth, face extinction at one time or another. The end usually comes at a gradual rate, and if left unchecked, can be insurmountable.

Also, there's no guarantee that any of us wakes up tomorrow. This big ball of gas could just explode, or implode, without any warning.

So maybe this is a little more serious than Y2K. I may have to do a little survivalist research and find out exactly what it is I need to ensure the lives of me and my family. But I think I have it already - Twinkies.

Those cream-filled snack cakes are said to have enough preservatives to outlast any of us. If I corner the market on them, I can assure a sugar buzz for a decade or so, and maybe make a few bucks in the process.

Plus I know the end of days won't be for at least a few more weeks.

How can I tell? Easy - I haven't filed my tax return yet.

Jerry Hitchcock is a copy editor for The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2017, or via e-mail at jhitchcock@cdapress.com